Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Introducing: Tub of Lard

Tub of Lard

Current stats:

30 years old


175 pounds

5’5 and a quarter and shrinking (a story for another day)

I am officially a big, fat, tub of lard.

This battle of the bulge started getting out of control during college when I acquired the taste for beer. Looking back beer probably wasn’t the only thing I consumed on a regular basis that played a part in my expanding waistline. Late night visits, or should I say early morning visits, to the Waffle House (bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches with extra mayo, hash browns scattered covered smothered, yum!) probably had a lot to do with it too.

Over the years my weight has fluctuated, yo-yoing from 139 to my heaviest of 185. I’ve lost 40 here, gained 20 there, lost 10 more only to gain 25 back. Did the Atkins diet, worked out with The Firm chicks, took weight loss pills (bad, I know), joined weight watchers….stuffed my pie whole.

My weights have dust on them an inch thick and I can’t even tell you where my sports bra is…one that fits anyway. I can locate plenty that are so tight they add an extra roll of fat to the existing pack of hotdogs I already have on my back.

Not pretty.

Something must be done.

So, today I find myself 30 years old, single, in this stupid freakin’ dating world looking for a husband. And, before you go there, no, I’m not trying to lose weight to snag a man. I must say that the men I meet really don’t judge my body as hard as I do. But I also never want to be that girl with “such a pretty face” either.

I want to lose weight and get fit for my health—mental and physical. I know the numerous weight fluctuations and being overweight are unhealthy for my body. Mentally, I spend way too much time obsessing over my fat ass. I won’t wear anything that shows my thighs. I HATE MY THIGHS! Shorts and skirts are required to at least hit the knee. Bathing suits=no. And you know what, I just want to buy cute clothes. There I said it. It’s all about the clothes.

So with summer right around the corner the BFF and I are trying again. I hope doing it together and putting it out there for the world to see will get our asses’ in gear because there are few things more embarrassing than blogging about losing weight and then having to report to the world that you suck and you’ve actually gained.

And for the record, I don’t want to suck.

I talk a lot shit about people who suck and don’t want to be put in the sucky category.

So, anyway, stay tuned. I’ll keep you posted.