Monday, April 20, 2009

Baby #4?

Surprise to me, but apparently I am gallivanting around town proclaiming a pregnancy.

Let me advise all of you curious, overly nosyfriendly citizens that it is never appropriate to ask an ambiguously pregnant woman if she is, in fact, pregnant.

'Cause guess what, I AM NOT!

I am simply the shameful owner of a bubble gut, a baby belly, a grub tub (I can go on).

On my return trip from Atlanta, I was asked not once, but twice, about the nature of my protruding gut. They were nice enough, and were obviously shamefaced when they discovered the error of their prying ways, but still I was a bit embarrassed (and that is hard to do).

Lady 1: Oh! you have another coming soon?! (Soon? Is it really that big? Big enough to make you think I'm gonna pop any day now?)
Me: Um, nope. No more for me, it's just a fat belly. You know, leftover from this one (pointing at one year old latched to my shoulder).
Lady 1: Oh, no! I'm so sorry. Oh, gosh, I'm sorry. (Face and neck redden obviously. Good, why should I be the only one embarrassed?)

Lady 2: Wow! When are you due? (Can forgive her slightly since I was holding sleeping baby and doing the pregnant, backwards dip to the chair maneuver so as not to awaken said baby).
Me: Never. I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. Sorry.
Lady 2: Oh. Excuse me (as she eyes my midsection suspiciously), I just thought... Sorry.
Me: No problem, not the first time it's happened (Jeez, this is getting ridiculous, and I thought I looked kinda cute in this dress. I'll never wear this piece a crap again!).

For future reference, if you see a lady with a baby who is a little thick in the middle, do her and yourself a favor, don't ask any questions regarding her "status" until she brings it up herself.

It's really just the only way to be safe.

I have to admit, though, that I was VERY naughty on this vacay. I snacked with reckless abandon, I purchased costly, forbidden items (aka Combos) from the airport, and I even went to a b-u-f-f-e-t.

I am not going to weigh myself until Saturday at the very earliest.

I need time to detox.