Elevator Etiquette

I use three elevators to maneuver between my car and office everyday. And I've noticed that some people obviously weren't taught proper etiquette for elevator usage. So I've come up with some simple rules to follow.

1. Whoever is waiting for the elevator first, gets on the elevator first. I walked up, pushed the button and have been waiting so don't come from behind, throw your shoulder in front of me and get on the elevator first. Not cool.

2. Once you're on the elevator move to the back. If you don't you're blocking the way for others to get on.

3. If you are with a group of friends don't lolly gag getting on the elevator. You and your friends my be blowing off work but some of us are try to get to the cafeteria a meeting.

4. Same for getting off the elevator. When the doors open. Get the hell off. You can finish your story outside of the elevator.

5. Once you are off keep walking. Believe it or not there were other people on the elevator with you and they'd like to exit, but you are blocking their way because you stopped two steps outside the elevator door.

6. If you are a man, do the gentleman like thing. Before entering/exiting put your arm up so the elevator doors don't close on me and allow me to enter/exit first. I'm very appreciative of this gesture and will award you with a very sweet smile and thank you.

7. Hold cell phone calls until after you get off the elevator. Your call will more than likely be dropped and it's annoying for others to have to listen to you yell hello, hello, hello...

8. Never enter the elevator backwards. I understand you're wrapping up a conversation with someone not entering, but when you do this you fail to see me, already standing in the elevator because you aren't paying attention. Now you're standing way to close to me, I can smell your shampoo because the back of your head is and inch from my nose and I'm forced to clear my throat to make you aware that you aren't alone in here.

9. Don't hold the elevator for your entire posse. There are four other elevators available in this section of the building. Me + 12 of you = circus act that I didn't ask to be apart of. (Seriously, 12. I counted.)

10. And for the love of all that is holy, don't fart. It's just fucking rude.


P.S. I conveniently forgot to weigh today. Maybe it's because I've been stuffing my face with Halloween candy. Happy Halloween!