Too Fatties

My grill is jacked...again

2010-10-09T09:29:00.000-07:00

I lived through five years of orthodontic work. To put it nicely, my grill was jacked. I had an extreme overbite, I had to have four teeth pulled because of overcrowding, my two front teeth sat like a "v" and were so big they had to be filed down. Yes, they had to be filed down! So not cute.

So after my parents shelled out all their hard earned cash to fix my teeth you'd think I'd have the perfect smile because, really I should. But back in the day when I got my braces taken off the retainer that I was supposed to wear to keep my teeth in their new perfect resting place, was made of wire, and uncomfortable and just not cool. So being the stubborn-know-it-all-13-year-old that I was, that thing laid around and collected dust.

And you know what happened? Exactly what my orthodontist, my parents and everyone who knows anything told me would happen—my bottom teeth, not so pretty and straight anymore. And it freaking sucks! After all those years of pain, cracked lips, cut cheeks…my grill is jacked again.

When I got my first real job after college Invisalign was the new thing and I was all about getting it. I made an appointment at the orthodontist and was told that I’m a great candidate. That was until they told me the price. Other options given to me where the standard wire braces but I really wanted Invisalign since I didn't want to endure the wires, look and pain of traditional braces like I had in the past. I was just starting out and just couldn’t afford it so I settled for a new and improved retainer to keep my teeth from moving any more than they already had. I figured in a few years once I was more established in my career I would get Invisalign.

But ~~bills and added expenses piled up~~ life went on, and it hasn’t happened.

Your ~~grill~~ smile is the first thing people notice when meeting you. I would love to have the opportunity to finish what I started 23 years ago.

**this post is an entry to the Invisalign Teen “Tell Us What a New Smile Means to You” Contest!

The Joys of Online Dating

2010-09-28T10:26:00.000-07:00

I’ve found that online dating loses its appeal after about a month. That’s when the bombardment of emails from interested strangers goes from flattering to overwhelming and annoying. I’m currently in week six.

Top 5 reasons why online dating is currently sucking

1) It’s freaking time consuming. It’s seriously like a part-time job. I spend all day on a computer at work. Then I come home and spend at least an hour emailing, answering questions and ~~pretending~~ to pouring my deepest hopes and dreams to…strangers. I recently read an article about a company who does all this work for you. They do all the flirty, online banter and all you have to do is go on the dates. I would hire them if I had the cash to blow.

2) It’s overwhelming. I’m communicating with way too many men. I know it’s my fault, I could not respond to more of them, but they all seem to contact me at the same time and now I’m communicating with eight guys who I’ll probably never even meet. I just haven’t figured out how to weed out all the losers from the beginning. I really hate juggling and kinda suck at it...because it's overwhelming.

3) A lot of the dudes are losers. They don’t understand how to ask a woman out, or even get to know someone for that matter. Sending an email that says, “You should call me,” will not get you anywhere with me, because I will not be calling you…ever. Some girls my like that. I do not.

4) A lot of the dudes are losers. And rude. If I give you my phone number, please don’t call me at 10:45 p.m. on a Tuesday to chat for the first time. I’m sleeping. And then don’t leave a message. Then wait a week call again at the same time, this time leave a message but tell me it’s only OK for me to call you back if I’m up right now. If not, you’ll be contacting me later on in the week. Makes me think you’re hiding something, like a wife.

5) A lot of the dudes are losers. They are mostly ~~ugly~~ unattractive. And I’m not looking for perfection. Looks can grow on me if you have a good personality but, they can’t even bring that to the table.

Accent Cellulite Treatment Update

2010-07-21T10:52:00.000-07:00

After a lot of back and forth at my first session (thank you Dawn and Lisa for helping me through my crazy!) I decided to have the fronts of my thighs treated. (So from the top of the knee to the mid-thigh area.) This isn't really the part of my thigh with the "deepest" cellulite, which for me is on my hip area, but it's the area that I felt would be most practical for my life.

I mean, my goal is to wear shorts and shorter skirts and dresses. I'm never in a bathing suit and if I'm naked in front of you, you don't care about my cellulite anyway. At least you better not.

I'm doing very well with the treatments. They aren't painful at all. Only a little hot at times but never, ever uncomfortable. I'd describe them as a warm massaging feeling.

I've had three sessions and haven't seen any dramatic changes, I'm not rockin' the shorts yet, but I have noticed some slight improvements. Word! I was told from the beginning that it usually takes four treatments to start seeing improvements, so this is pretty much what I expected. I think I will take photos after my next appointment too since it will be the halfway point. Plus it'll make it easier to see what's really going on.

I had the golden ticket

2010-06-04T11:00:00.001-07:00

A couple of weeks ago I won the cellulite reshaping package from BE Lifestyle MedSpa during the Momz Share* Silver Spring Soiree raffle.

I was so happy I totally lost my shit.

At first, I couldn’t believe I won.

I just stood there staring at the ticket. I think I may have even asked for a repeat of the numbers. The BFF probably repeated about three times, “Dude, you won,” before I could except that I, the girl who never wins anything, the one with the worst luck in the world, had actually won something that she really, really wanted.

I have obsessed about the cellulite on my thighs for years. I've tried all sorts of crazy antics to get rid of the crap (you can read about it here) but never in a million years did I think that I would be getting any kind of real cosmetic procedure.

Until now...

So, I went in for my consultation and last week. I was a little nervous, you know the whole taking off your clothes and pointing out your fatty areas to strangers thing, but everyone was super nice and made me feel very comfortable. Dr. Cohen was the plastic surgeon who saw me and he thinks I'm a perfect candidate for the Accent cellulite body reshaping treatments and that I should see great results! I then spoke with Marian who explained the entire procedure in detail and let me ask 101 questions.

I'm totally in.

I set up my first appointment for next week. I'm so excited to get started. I still can't believe that it's actually going to happen.

I'm also having a VISIA complexion skin analysis of my face done. It'll provide an assesment of my skin features, like wrinkles and sun damage that can't be seen with the naked eye. This way I'm sure that my skin-care treatment is tailored especially for my needs. Pretty cool.

So, maybe the next time you see me I'll be showin' some thigh.**

*No, you didn’t miss anything. Still not a momma, just a certified mom-blog-stalker, so they let me hang.
**Something I haven't done since circa 2001.

Back on the Wagon

2010-05-11T10:35:00.000-07:00

I'm officially back on the wagon.

I'm once again a paying member of the weight watchers (WW) online program.

Why? Because when not closely monitored, I can't be trusted to make the right food choices or eat the proper portions.

How do I know this? I've gained eight pounds since kicking WW to the curb at the end of February.

"I know the rules. Why I'm I still paying for this?," I thought.

And I've learned, that I can't be trusted to follow the rules unless I'm actually documenting and counting the points that I'm consuming each day.

I cannot be trusted.

I don't want to totally lose control when I've come so far, so it's back on the wagon for me. 22 points a day! Whew!

My Cellulite Story

2010-05-05T09:03:00.000-07:00

Even after my recent weight loss I won't wear shorts, or a bathing suit, or a short skirt or pretty anything that shows my thighs in public. And it's all because of cellulite.

It rules my life.

It's a problem. I know.

I'm working on it.

I found this really awesome blog called the Cellulite Investigation. You should check it out. And not just because I'm currently there sharing my personal Cellulite Story (code name: YoYo CoCo) but because there is just so much useful information. Now go, check it out!

Looking For Me?!

2010-04-14T19:15:00.000-07:00

Looking for some new material?!

Guest posting over at parenting BY dummies today so come check me out!

Blog World Domination by Dumb Mom

2010-03-31T21:00:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone, I am Dumb Mom (yes, THE Dumb Mom), and I’m here representing ~~the bestes blog eva~~ parenting BY dummies.

Some of you may already know me from my previous days as one of the Too Fatties.

While I am still, clearly, a card carrying member of the club (having gained weight since beginning, and subsequently quitting this blog with BFF) I am not longer and contributing member of this blog.

If you have missed me, then today is your lucky day!

I have been an active member of the blogging community since December, 2008, which means I am coming up on my 18 month blog-a-versary.

I have experienced some success with my blog (you know stuff that matters like followers, traffic, comments, Google page rank), but nothing to really write home about (not that I have to since my mother stalks my blog shamelessly).

But, I haven’t gotten to the point where I feel accomplished or truly successful as a blogger (aka the point at which the money begins to roll in).

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t live in Crazy Blogger Delisuionalville so I know that I’m not likely to be the next Dooce (no PPD ravings here) or the next Pioneer Woman (no sexy cowboy hubby either), but you know, I kinda would like to be a respected member of the blogging community.

And, I’m sorta sick of waiting for my content to make it happen for me.

Plus, I don’t know anybody (‘cause you know, blogging, like real life, is a lot about who you know), at least not anybody who ~~likes me~~ wants to ~~let me ride their coattails to the top~~ support my “brand”.

So I came up with a new plan.

A plan to ensure blog-world domination in as little as 6 weeks.

A genius plan really.

To eliminate to competition and ~~make people like me~~ catapult me to the top.

Buying blogs!

That’s right people, B-U-Y-I-N-G them.

I figured that one of the main obstacles standing in the way of my become-a-popular-blogger-so-people-will-pay-me plan is that the market is becoming a bit saturated.

It’s getting too hard to have a blog.

Now you have to worry about annoyingly time consuming junk like personal branding, SEO, building a blog community, and other stuff I’ll let you know about when I figure out what it is.

And. You need a niche.

A niche that is supported by good content.

I don’t have a niche (unless you call being a suckit mom who is strangely funny a niche), or time to think about my brand, or brains to master SEO.

So, I’m taking the easy way out…MONEY.

It may not be able to buy you love (which I’m not sure I agree with) but it can buy you blogs, because everyone needs it and most of us like it (which is more than I can say for my blog).

So the other night when I sat down to do my figuring, I figured that what I need to do is get some cash, find some in-the-market-for-some-cash bloggers, and give it to them to ~~to go away~~ let me be the creative director on their sites.

Basically they post about me and me related material and all is well.

And, guess what?!

It worked!

I’ve turned 12 of them so far!

So instead of reading about Mama B’s peanut butter life, or Angie’s Seven Clowns, or Jen’s Hipness, or KMama’s Daily Dribbles, or Marf Mom’s Marfan, or When SHE became her mom, or Being a former Fatty, or how HER Life Gone Awry, or Amy’s B Hole, or Supah’s Adventures, or Faemom’s Faeness?, or even Sunday’s Extreme Parenthood, you get to read about moi.

Before they sign off ~~for good~~ for the duration of their written-in-blood contracts they have each written one last post for you here: parenting BY dummies.

I urge you to give them a chance to explain why they’ve ~~sold you out to The Man (The Man being ME)~~ succumbed to the Dumb.

Come on over and say adios to your beloved bloggers. MWAHAHAHA!!!

P.S. I am currently not on the hunt for other blogs to dominate as I have run into a bit of an issue with my blog-world-domination budget plan. #therecessionisruiningeverything

Just shy of the big 2-0

2010-03-05T07:03:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in a few weeks but I've been fighting to lose the snowpocalypes pounds I put on, ugh, but I did it.

And I'm happy to report that I've it lost 3 more pounds bringing my total weight loss down to 19 pounds!!!

Hells yeah! Kinda hard to believe.

I'm wearing jeans I haven't been able to fit into in almost two years.

WW says that I should lose 8 more pounds to the be in the healthy weight range for my height. My goals are more dress/pants size driven but since I'm on a roll here, I'm sure I can hit that number.

I'll have to post some pictures for you.

******

The dating life has been.....nonexistent. I think I'm going to have to jump online again and try a different site this time. If nothing else, I'll get ~~a few free drinks~~ have stories to share with you.

whoo hoo?

2010-02-06T05:43:00.000-08:00

I lost 2 lbs!!! It's amazing! I told you the scale hasn't budged in weeks.

But this is where it gets scary. I'm snowed in.

Not sure why Mother Nature's got her panties in a wad but she's gone crazy.

This is like the second blizzard in two months. So not typical for the DC metro area. We probably had a total of 7 inches of snow last year. There's probably about 21 inches outside right now and it's supposed to snow all day today.

This is not helping my cause. I'm trying to control the eating but it's really hard when you're stuck in the house alone all weekend. Plus, I stocked up on wine. I mean what else is there to do. Seriously, when the power flickered last night, my first reaction was to get up and open a bottle. (I already had the real emergency supplies ready. I'm not that crazy. Ha!)

So, on the agenda for today and tomorrow:

call and send texts to friends and family in Florida trying to make them feel sorry for me
hope the power stays on
clear out the DVR
PPV a movie
hope the power stays on
drink some wine
watch the Super Bowl
clean=boo
dig my car out=BOO
drink some wine
hope the power stays on

I'm still alive

2010-02-01T13:01:00.000-08:00

So I've been MIA for awhile. Two months to be exact, aahhhh, I know.

I've been in a funk though and didn't want crank out one depressing post after another.

Anyway, even though I've been gone for so long it won't take me long to catch you up on what I've been up to:

Not dating and kicking ass at losing weight.

Yep, I've lost 14 pounds! And it feels really good. I'd like to lose at least 10 more.

Unfortunately, I think I need to step up my game because I haven't lost a single pound in the last three weeks...

Saturday weigh-in

2009-11-29T04:29:00.000-08:00

I'm down two more pounds!

It's seriously freaking amazing that I was able to still lose two pounds this week, you know with Thanksgiving and all. But I was bribing myself with a new pair of shoes. I told myself that if I could drop two pounds this week I'd reward myself with a new pair of shoes.

Well, I got a seeding ticket on the way home from Thanksgiving dinner, which may pretty much wipe out the shoe budget and then some. Sigh. I'll find out on Monday how much I owe.

Anyway, I was actually able to wear a pair of jeans on Friday that I haven't been able to wear in over a year. They're still a little snug but that was a huge motivation to stay on track.

It's All About the Partnership Baby!

2009-11-22T05:19:00.001-08:00

Losing weight is hard. So when it was time to get serious about shedding the extra pounds we put on over the years, of course it was only natural that Two Ton Tilly (aka PBD) my BFF and I decided to do it together.

Because we do most things together.

And trying to losing weight together just seemed like it would be easier. We could keep each other motivated, encourage each other to exercise, and most of all have someone else to ~~suffer~~ make healthy food choices with. And pass on the cupcakes with. And take a walks with.

But also someone who can be totally honest with you and tell you that you’re never ever going to be the size you were when you 16 again. And you know what? It’s OK because it made your head look big.

We believe partnership can create great things in all aspects of our lives and that’s why we were inspired to get involved with the Path to Peace Project.

Launched in 2005, the Path to Peace Project was built on the idea of creating change by providing income-generating opportunities to women in Rwanda. The project provides income to rural woman who were never able to earn money while keeping alive their history and culture. And also creating an American market for Rwandan women’s crafts. It created trade partnerships with artisans in recovering regions to bring the power of change to Rwanda and Indonesia.

One of the crafts, The O Bracelet, was recently featured in O Magazine. Each bracelet in this series is hand-made by two women—a weaver in Rwanda and a jewelry artist in New Orleans. Besides being a beautiful accessory, the message is all about partnership and that partnership can create great things.

The Path to Peace Project now employs thousands of weavers and impacts tens of thousands of lives. As measured by health, education, decreased violence and increased hope and reconciliation, the project has produced remarkable results and been widened to included textiles and jewelry.

For more information on how you can get involved visit macys.com/Rwanda

Friday weigh-in

2009-11-20T08:48:00.000-08:00

I lost 2 more lbs. this week!

I'm on a roll.

I made good food choices even in social situations.

I do have to confess though that I didn't exercise at all.

I'm really going to work harder on this. Of course I do have an excuse (mostly because I can come up with an excuse for just about anything) but I did have an extremely tough week which included me going off on someone (property manager, totally deserved) and someone going off on me (boss, totally not deserved). Pretty stressed at the moment. I've heard exercise can help with that but I'm not sure how to get myself going when I'm so exhausted and my head is constantly hurting.

Anyway, enough about that.

I lost 2 more lbs. and it's Friday.

So get this

2009-11-16T12:31:00.000-08:00

Well, by Friday evening I'd decided that I really didn't want to go on this date and was contemplating how I was going to get out of it.

So, I decided to wait him out. See what he came up with and then let him down easy.

But as the hours passed and I hadn't heard from him I just got annoyed. What if I was sitting here waiting on this dude excited about our date. He didn't send a message canceling until almost 1 p.m. on Sunday. Something about being busy with work, here's my number, call me sometime, maybe we can reschedule.

Maybe not. Let me rephrase that, no. But, I'm not even going to respond to his email. No point.

So, that's the end to my online dating run. My membership expires in a few days. I think I may take my profile down early. I'm just over it...for now anyway. I need a break.

Friday weigh-in

2009-11-13T07:28:00.000-08:00

I lost four pounds!!! Thank the Lord. Because I needed some motivation.

Now I know all about taking weight off slowly and two pounds a week is the healthiest, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And my body will totally pull the brakes on this four pounds in a week business so I'm just going to enjoy it for now.

I seem to be getting over the hump of being as hungry and my body is getting used to less calories in a day. However, weekends are always the most challenging. This weekend I'll be going to a birthday party which means I'll have to control myself around the cake, ice cream and wine (my weakness) and then the date on Sunday.

And speaking of the date on Sunday. I'm kinda over it and don't even really want to go anymore. Mostly because I'm pretty annoyed about our plans, or should I say lack there of, at this point. You know me planner, likes to know what to expect, some would say uptight, I would say suck it, whatever, I like to know when I'm doing something. And I like it when a guy knows how to plan a damn date.

He suggested the day.

I accepted and said sure let me know what you have in mind.

He suggested the city (mid way between the both of us, cool).

I said that was perfect.

He said I'm not familiar with that area.

So you know what I did? I googled it. Cause you know what? Neither am I. So sent him a message asking him what he wanted to do since he didn't ever say. Grab something to eat? Brunch? Lunch? Dinner? And provided him with a link to all the restaurants in the city.

He said I'll pick something good and get back to you.

That was Wednesday night.

She made me do it

2009-11-11T08:38:00.000-08:00

I try not to lie...unless I'm forced to. And last night my power sculpting class instructor, she forced me to. After class as I'm putting away my hand weights she calls me out and asks me how I'm doing.

Me: I'm fine.

Her: Well, make sure you drink lots of water. You haven't been here in a long time.

Me: *Trying to hurry and get the hell outta there* OK, thanks. I will.

Her: But you have still been exercising even though you haven't been coming to this class right?

Me: Yeah, it's just really hard for me to make it here because of work and everything. (bold face lie.)

I have not been exercising and I can honestly only blame work for missing class once. The only part of that statement that was true was the "and everything" which would include me being too lazy to come to class.

Counting points is going well. The first few days of Weight Watchers (WW) are always the hardest for me. I'm currently on day three. I'm fine until about 3 p.m. and then I'm just hungry the rest of the evening. Even with my snacks and dinner. But I'll pull through because I know it will get easier as my body gets used to it.

Dating

Funny Man finally asked me out on a date for this Sunday. About time. I guess he could sense he was losing me since it took me a week to respond to his last email. I know that's not cool on my part but I was having a rough week and he wasn't giving me anything to get excited about. Hopefully we'll get along well in real life.

Taking control

2009-11-06T07:20:00.000-08:00

I've gained two pounds. Not too bad considering I've been eating everything I want. And I mean everything. And not working out.

It's getting really ugly. So ugly, I actually emptied my work trash can this morning before the trash guy, who I flirt with like a middle schooler came to empty it, because all it was filled with was candy wrappers.

Yes, I'm that sad.

On both fronts, flirting with the 20-year-old-janitor and hiding my eating habits from him. And I guess there's a third front, the fact that I have a trash can filled with nothing but candy wrappers. You know since I'm trying to lose weight and all.

Anyway, I have to take control of this situation. If I stay on this path I know what can happen. I gained 20 pounds between September and December of last year.

I know my issues. I L-O-V-E food. Even when I'm not hungry. I over eat. My portions are insane.

So, I decided to join weight watchers online again. I know it's going to be extremely hard to stick to during this time of year but the program has worked for me in the past. And I need the visual. Keeping track in my head isn't working.

Dating
Not much excitement on the dating front. I didn't go out with the guy I talked to last week. I never heard from him again. I am having issues with my phone so if he called and didn't leave a message it's like it never happened. But the way I see it is he could've tried again, left a message or emailed me. So anyway, I've also been emailing another guy who is really funny BUT I'm getting bored because he hasn't made a move to meet up or even talk on the phone. Which means, I'm going to have to do it or I'll get bored enough to just let him go.

Elevator Etiquette

2009-10-29T13:23:00.000-07:00

I use three elevators to maneuver between my car and office everyday. And I've noticed that some people obviously weren't taught proper etiquette for elevator usage. So I've come up with some simple rules to follow.

1. Whoever is waiting for the elevator first, gets on the elevator first. I walked up, pushed the button and have been waiting so don't come from behind, throw your shoulder in front of me and get on the elevator first. Not cool.

2. Once you're on the elevator move to the back. If you don't you're blocking the way for others to get on.

3. If you are with a group of friends don't lolly gag getting on the elevator. You and your friends my be blowing off work but some of us are try to get to ~~the cafeteria~~ a meeting.

4. Same for getting off the elevator. When the doors open. Get the hell off. You can finish your story outside of the elevator.

5. Once you are off keep walking. Believe it or not there were other people on the elevator with you and they'd like to exit, but you are blocking their way because you stopped two steps outside the elevator door.

6. If you are a man, do the gentleman like thing. Before entering/exiting put your arm up so the elevator doors don't close on me and allow me to enter/exit first. I'm very appreciative of this gesture and will award you with a very sweet smile and thank you.

7. Hold cell phone calls until after you get off the elevator. Your call will more than likely be dropped and it's annoying for others to have to listen to you yell hello, hello, hello...

8. Never enter the elevator backwards. I understand you're wrapping up a conversation with someone not entering, but when you do this you fail to see me, already standing in the elevator because you aren't paying attention. Now you're standing way to close to me, I can smell your shampoo because the back of your head is and inch from my nose and I'm forced to clear my throat to make you aware that you aren't alone in here.

9. Don't hold the elevator for your entire posse. There are four other elevators available in this section of the building. Me + 12 of you = circus act that I didn't ask to be apart of. (Seriously, 12. I counted.)

10. And for the love of all that is holy, don't fart. It's just fucking rude.

P.S. I ~~conveniently~~ forgot to weigh today. Maybe it's because I've been stuffing my face with Halloween candy. Happy Halloween!

It's over

2009-10-28T07:56:00.000-07:00

I officially told the Italian Stallion to suck it. Well, not really. I was much nicer and said something along to lines of "this isn't going to work out." Wish I could say the same thing about him.

It came to an end because I couldn't take his only coming around when it was convenient for him and last minute dates any longer. We planned to get together the Wednesday after I got back from Vegas but since I was sick I rescheduled for this past Monday. Monday came, I hadn't heard from him, I sent a text asking if we were still on. No response. I called and left a message. No response. No response until 10 p.m. Monday night saying he'd been fishing with his dad all day. So, I was over it. Dad in hospital, good excuse. Fishing with Dad, not. Especially without a phone call the day before.

I guess he's not used to being the dumpee but that's really no excuse for put downs or the little argument that followed. Seriously, we went out on three dates.

And he really has a skewed perception of what getting to know someone entails and thinks what I'm asking for (not going M.I.A., which he can't recall, and not asking me out at the last minute) is too much since I haven't "given him anything" yet. (He's funny!) He admitted that he didn't call on Monday becuase the date totally slipped his mind. (So, you forgot about seeing me?) He also proceeded to tell me that he didn't understand why I'm doing this since it's not like I have anything going on. I don't have any guys lined up. (Ha! WTF, dude. Your ego really got the best of you.) And that's when I cut him off and told him to quit talking.

Even after all his back and forth I wanted to remember him as a decent guy who I went out with a few times and had fun. But now I'm left with memories of his douchiness.

Anyway, there is actually a new guy. I'm excited. He's the first new one in a couple of months. We just "met" this weekend and talked on the phone last night. And he seems nice and we have a few things in common. (He's already earned a gold star for not calling at all hours of the night and following through. And by all hours, I mean 10 p.m. on a work night. As I mentioned before, I go to bed early. So instead he sent a text saying he didn't know if it was too late (it was) so he'd call the next day. And, he did. Considerate, yes.) We talked about meeting up, maybe this weekend. I'll let you know how it goes.

I’m Back!

2009-10-22T09:12:00.000-07:00

Well, I’ve been back but caught some freakin’ bug on the way home and have been laid up for a couple days. On a positive note, I lost four pounds because of it. Thank you, swine flu.

I had an awesome time in Vegas! I had a chance to meet and learn a lot at SITScation from some of my favorite women bloggers who I’ve been stalking for months.

I made a few new friends at TAO on Friday night.

And of course, I finally had the chance meet my future husband, Mr. Justin Timberlake. (I know you’ve seen the articles that he’s still with that one chick but I’m here to tell you he’s all mine.)

I was into him before but after seeing him strut his stuff live…I’m smitten, maybe even borderline obsessed.

Here's a little taste for ya!

Friday weigh-in

2009-10-02T07:26:00.000-07:00

It's official--I've gained two pounds since last week's weigh-in.

What drives me crazy about this losing (or not) weight stuff is that when I'm actually trying, I gain, and when I'm not, I lose.

I need a new game plan.

Update

2009-09-29T11:24:00.000-07:00

I had a lot of fun on the date last Thursday. So much fun I didn’t get in until 1:30 p.m. And I paid for it at work the next day. (Who am I?)

We did have a talk about actually scheduling a date in advance with me too. We’ll see how it goes but this week is filling up and I haven't heard from him yet. Well, haven't heard from him isn't entirely true, but he hasn't asked me out yet. Not good.

Friday Weigh-in

I lost a pound. Not sure what this week holds though since I snuck on the scale yesterday and found myself four pounds heavier. Sigh.

A little spontaneity, please

2009-09-24T10:24:00.000-07:00

I’m not a spontaneous person. I’m just not. I’m a planner to the core. I’m the type of person who plans to do nothing. Meaning, if I’ve been running around like crazy and need a day to chill, I plan it and let people know. For example, Sunday I’m doing nothing. Just so you know.

So anyway, the Italian Stallion and I (you can read about our non-eventful first date here) have been having a hard time getting it together. He’s obviously a laid back, fly by the seat of his pants kinda guy. Me? Absolutely not. His approach: asking me out on the same day (I’m a busy girl, you have to get on my calendar if you want to see me), calling too late at night (I go to bed early because I need my beauty sleep), I let him know good days to plan something and he went MIA (what?).

So, when he asked me out last week I told him that it just wasn’t going to work out between us. He couldn’t plan a date with me in advance, so I obviously wasn’t a priority to him.

But did he go away? Nope. He set a date and wore me down.

We went out on Monday…and I had a great time. And there may, or may not have been some end of the night kissing. (Don’t judge, it’s been a long time)

He’s really funny. And I love funny! And he’s a guy, with dude hobbies. (Hard to find in a city full of metrosexuals) He holds down a professional nine to five AND he likes to work on cars and has a boat and fishes. And I’m digging that! Not sure where this is going, if anywhere, but for now it’s fun, and that’s good.

That is until I turned back into myself this morning when asked me out again—for tonight. Really? Back to that again? My first reaction was to tell him no. And I did. I have plans. I’m going to my power sculpting class after work and then enjoying the season premiere of Grey’s Anatomy.

I shared this with BFF (who’s been on this dudes side from the beginning) who ~~gave me a swift kick in the ass~~ lovingly guided me to see the beauty of my situation. She told me to stop thinking so much and just go. This is the time in your life to be spontaneous. You’ll miss the freedom once it’s no longer an option. One day you’ll be stuck walking up and down the street looking for your kid’s lost shoe…for the third time, like me. I wish I could just go workout and then go on a date.

And when she put it that way, she’s absolutely right. Thanks BFF! Maybe I do need to loosen up and just go with the flow a little more often. I’m single and young (kinda) and should be having fun, damn it!

So, I sent him a text and told him to meet me at 8:30 p.m. I’ll let you know how it goes!

Friday weigh-in

2009-09-18T07:38:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I've posted...but since I haven't lost or gained in the last two weeks let's just pretend it hasn't been because honestly, you haven't missed a thing.

Nothing good that is.

All bad stuffing my face, drinking and not exercising.

I survived my brother's visit with out gaining weight which is pretty much a miracle. I'm not even going to lie and say I made the best food choices. There were just so many opportunities not to. (Do people really order wheat buns at Johnny Rockets? Seems pointless if you're getting the cheeseburger and onion rings.) And nothing is better after a night of drinking than a Philly cheese steak. (The grease absorbs the alcohol. Really. It does.)

My choices haven't been as terrible this week but I know my portions have been on the grand side.

So stepping on the scale this morning I fully expected to see the numbers go up but nope, nothing. So I'm pretty freakin' happy about that.

Now it's back to working out and scaling down the portions. Seriously. I mean, I'm going to Vegas in a month to see my man and I don't want to feel like the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

--TOL

Don't hate

2009-09-06T11:40:00.001-07:00

I have a date and I’m so excited!

We decided to meet up in Vegas at the Mandalay Bay Resort while I’m there for SITScation and he’ll be in town for business.

It’s still over a month away (October 17) but I just can’t stop thinking about it! What I'm I going to wear, dress or pants? Heels or flats? Hair up or down?

You may know my love interest.

His name is Justin Timberlake. I call him J.T. cause we’re cool like that.

And yeah, I guess he’s going to be there with some friends (Taylor Swift, Ciara, Alicia Keys, TLC (the living members)) and there will be like 12,000 other people there. But there’s not a doubt in my mind that he’ll be singing to me. Oh yeah!

Friday weigh-in

2009-09-04T06:55:00.000-07:00

I didn’t lose any weight this week.

Not one measly little pound.

Not an ounce.

I’m trying not to get discouraged. I mean, at least I didn’t gain any weight.

Next week could get very ugly though. My younger brother is coming to visit and will be staying with me for six days. That’s six days where a lot can go wrong. Fast food, drinking, funnel cakes at Six Flags, drinking, movie theater popcorn, drinking.

I do plan on cooking while he’s here but I’m not going to make him eat grilled chicken and broccoli either. I’m not that mean. So I’m going to focus on eating smaller portions and making the best choices possible when we are out. However, that does not mean that I’m going deprive myself of some treats…mainly the funnel cake. I'll just make him walk around the park really fast in hopes that it'll help burn off the extra calories. Or I could just get on some crazy spinning ride that makes me puke. Ride-induced bulimia. Hmmm. Totally kidding!

There really won’t be that much drinking, on my part anyway, and that's mainly because I’m old and don’t bounce back the next day like I used to.

So anyway, here's the plan: squeeze in an extra workout before he comes, make the best food choice possible, watch my portions, limit the drinking, and ride-induced bulimia. Kidding, kidding.

Hope you have a great holiday weekend!

--TOL

Shortest blog post ever

2009-08-28T06:42:00.000-07:00

This will be short but I just wanted to give you a quick up date.

Weight loss

I didn't lose any weight this week but did manage to shed a total of 1.75 inches from my arms, hips and waist. I'll take it as a success!

Dating

Silence...that's what I've gotten from him. So, I'm moving toward the "he can suck it" phase of our short lived "relationship."

--TOL

THE Date

2009-08-24T08:14:00.000-07:00

I had a great time on my date yesterday, even though there was some sweating (on my part, of course) and I felt way over dressed for the occasion.

But we really do have a lot in common and I'm still interested in getting to know him better (which I let him know) but the question is, is he?

So the waiting begins.

Is he going to call to see me again? Will he just want to be friends? Guess we'll see.

I'm actually cool with it either way. I calmed down about the whole thing on Saturday before meeting him. Because really, I am who I am, and if he can't appreciate how awesome I am, even if I do get sweaty, and shy, and I'm still working on losing these extra pounds I keep finding, then that's his loss.

I'll keep you posted!

-TOL

Is it fate?

2009-08-21T06:52:00.001-07:00

I have a date on Sunday and guess what? I’m interested in him. I mean, I like what I know so far and want to get to know him better, which is really weird because I usually ~~don’t like anyone~~ am very particular. But now I’m really nervous, and I’m freaking out because I’m scared he’s not gonna like me. We have a lot in common except…he’s really in shape and as you know; I’m a work in progress.

So here’s the back story…

~~Once upon a time,~~ About two years ago, ~~there was a princess~~ I moved from a small town in Florida to the DC metro area. It was a great opportunity and a wonderful ~~way to get away from the commitment phobe-ex-boyfriend~~ change of scenery. I would be close to BFF, start a great new job, and of course meet ~~the man of my dreams~~ be exposed to a bigger pool of available men.

After getting settled the match making began. A friend of BFF’s decided to put me in touch with an eligible bachelor. I was the new girl in town, would he be available to show me around? He agreed.

I was very hesitant and not sure if I was really ready to move on but was ~~forced~~ encouraged by BFF to email him. We emailed back and forth a few times but both of schedules were full, I just started a new job and was getting ready to go home for Christmas, and he's really busy at work during the end of the year, so we agreed to meet up after I got back in town.

So naturally I saw the ex while visiting Florida, got sucked back in, and decided that I wasn’t interested in meeting up with the new guy.

Fast forward two years….

Obviously things didn’t work out between me and the ex since, he's my ex, I'm still single, and I’ve been sharing my ~~horror~~ interesting online dating stories with you. Well, a couple of weeks ago I was reading this guy’s profile and he said that his mom is German and his dad is black and he is often mistaken for being Latino. I thought this was funny since I’m the same “mixture” and can’t tell you how often people just start speaking Spanish to me. Anyway, I emailed him and shared my little story with him totally not expecting to hear back from him. But I did. And then I looked at his profile name…and I started questioning whether this could be the same guy that I totally ditched a couple years earlier.

Granted it was a common name but ya never know, right? Anyway, we kept communicating and then he friended me on Facebook and his first and last name matched up.

I’m usually against friending people on FB that I don’t know in real life but I made an exception because ~~there are exceptions to every rule and I can decided to change them as I please~~ I was hoping he’d have an email address listed so I could make sure the name isn’t just a coincidence. And he did and yes, it’s him.

I shared this information with him and he vaguely remembers me. (Won’t hold that against him because I don’t expect that little bit of emailing we did to hold a spot in his brain like it did mine. You know, I’m the one who has been sitting here regretting not ever contacting him again.)

But now we’re going out on Sunday and did I mention that I'm freaking out. I don’t know what I’m going to wear (besides my spanx), and I’m afraid I’m going to say something stupid, or worse clam up and become mute, and I’m really afraid I’m going to start sweating profusely. Which is actually a legitimate concern. Aahhh! I’ll let you know how it goes.

**
Weigh-in

I did it! I lost two pounds this week. I’m totally into it now and have the motivation to keep it up. I will need to be extra disciplined in the coming weeks because my Power Sculpting class won’t be meeting for two weeks. They claim it’s a summer break but I overheard the instructor say something about not hiring temporary instructors and budget cuts. Grrr.

—TOL

Just call me Bat Girl

2009-08-19T10:37:00.000-07:00

I have a bat living on my balcony--again. Not sure if it’s the same little guy who decided he wanted to be my roommate last year but if it is I’m not sure why he didn’t get the hint that I wasn’t in the market for a roommate when I sicced pest control on him. He really wouldn’t bother me if he didn’t make so much mess. And by mess I mean using my balcony as a litter box. When I go to sit on my balcony to relax, read a magazine and enjoy a glass of wine, I don’t want to step in bat shit. So pest control has been called--again.

In other news, my date Monday night went well. He was funny and kept me laughing, which I love. But his humor was definitely crass and borderline offensive. Luckily for him, I’m the type of girl who can take it and don’t offend easily. We seemed to click well as friends, so you never really know, but at this point I don’t think it will turn into anything more.

I’m still on track making good food choices and working out. I have two workouts under my belt this week and have two more planned. The next big weigh-in is Friday. Shooting for two pounds off…

—TOL

First Friday weigh-in

2009-08-14T07:35:00.000-07:00

Drum roll, please......

I lost two pounds.

Yay! It's not much but definitely what I needed to keep me motivated.

I'm trying a new approach too. Not to get all new-age self-helpish on you but I'm going to try to do more positive self talk. I've been pretty down in the dumps the last couple of weeks so I'm trying to pick myself up and snap out of this funk. I read an article about things we tell ourselves that could be sabotaging our own best efforts to lose weight. Unfortunately, I do this--a lot. So enough already, I'm moving on to positive thinking.

****
And in the wonderful world of dating....

I'm currently in the process of narrowing down the number of guys I'm virtually dating for a couple of reasons. One, "talking" to nine different guys is overwhelming. And two, it's also totally unnecessary because I'm only even remotely interested in possibly ever meeting up with three of them. So I don't really even see a point in emailing, texting, playing phone tag with the others anymore.

I'll be meeting up with one of the more interesting ones next week. And I'm even looking forward to it. His profile made me laugh, we've had good email communication back and forth, and he asked me out pretty quickly. That's what I like. Let's just meet and see how this face to face thing goes. Why waste time emailing for weeks? Again, I'm not doing this for a pen pal.

--TOL

Dating pet peeves

2009-08-10T10:01:00.000-07:00

Tardiness: I’m here, why aren’t you? If you aren’t sure how to get here or how long it will take, give yourself extra time and leave early. I don’t like sitting at the bar alone waiting for you to show up.

Not doing what you say you’re going to do: If you tell me you’re are going to call me over the weekend. Do it. You come off as uninterested and unreliable when you don’t follow through.

Memory lapses: I understand you are probably communicating with more women than just me. I understand how online dating works. But I also understand that since we are communicating through email there are written notes for you to refer back to before asking me some lame ass question that I clearly gave you the answer to two messages ago. Please try to pay attention and remember what I’m sharing with you about my life. And if you can’t, look back over your notes before asking me anything. This is an open book test, you can use your notes, I won’t know.

Not inquisitive enough: If you are really trying to get to know me I’d think that you ask me a little more than, “how was your day?” Don’t get me wrong I appreciate the questions but that’s not going to help you figure out who I really am. No family questions, no career questions, not even a what’s your favorite movie question.

******

Still no batteries, still no weigh in. I went to a little store I refer to as hell on earth, other people like to call it Wal-mart, and came up empty handed again. I’m actually thinking I’m going to change my weigh-in day to Friday. I think weighing in before the weekend might give me a little more will power to continue making good food choices throughout the weekend. And this gives me a couple more days to track down these stupid batteries.

Enough with the tears

2009-08-05T07:41:00.000-07:00

I survived the Power Sculpting class last night. It was...intense, emotionally and physically, to say the least, but I'll be going back and making it a regular part of my routine.

The class was described as high energy and let me tell you, it was. There was barely any time for me to get a sip of water and to wipe the sweat off my brow. But I liked it.

What I didn't like was how self-conscious I felt. First, all the women attending were thin so I felt like the fatty in the room. Second, I sweat like a beast so there I am the fatty who's sweating like a pig and third, I had to use lighter weights than everyone else because I have absolutely no arm strength. By the end I wanted to cry.

The instructor even came up and asked me if I was OK at the end of the class. Which I was, but all the sweating and red face may have made her think otherwise. She did say that I seemed to be in pretty good shape and that I had good form. The in good shape part is totally inaccurate and I think the good form is in part to working out in years past. Meaning, I know how to do it, I just haven't been.

But I still wanted to cry. That is until I watched More to Love last night. Is it just me or are those broads annoying? Stop it with the water works. I can tell you, dudes don't like it when you cry on a date. And they especially don't like it if you're crying because your fat. He said he likes big girls, that's why you're on the show. Stop talking about it already.

And while I'm on the subject, why are these women so unlikeable? They're all coming across as either way too aggressive, catty, slutty, or needy. And I was hoping Kristian would get sent home last night. I think she's a cute girl but I can't take her talking about how much she likes this dude. It's a little freaky, and frankly I'm embarrassed for her.

And Luke, the bachelor, still creeps me out. Not sure what it is but I'm not digging him.

-TOL

Weigh in

2009-08-03T13:33:00.000-07:00

The weigh in ain't happening today. My scale isn't working.

Seriously.

I forgot to pick up batteries over the weekend.

I've tried taking them out and putting them back in. Switching them around. Shaking the scale. Because these little tricks work sometimes, squeezing out just enough juice to get a reading.

But not today.

For the time being I'm going to assume that the numbers didn't change any from last week.

I didn't start off this week making very good food choices. I went to the zoo with 3T and the dudes today and had a cheeseburger with fries for lunch.

But we walked a lot and I have an exercise plan for the rest of the week.

Tuesday: Power sculpting class
Wednesday: Gym after work (elliptical machine and weight room)
Thursday: Power sculpting class

I haven't been to the power sculpting class but hope I like it. I just do so much better with instructed exercise. There's an official end time so I'm forced to continue sweating until the class is over. Plus they're more fun to me, which is really what gets me to not blow them off in the first place. I just need to find a routine that works and stick to it.

Wish me luck!

-TOL

Hodge-podge

2009-07-28T09:36:00.000-07:00

Weigh-in day

I gained a pound but I expected it so I’m not all down about it. I’m getting back on the wagon this week, so from here on out it’s positive thinking, eating right and working my ass off—literally. I’m going to take it one day at a time and not throw in the towel because of little setbacks. One day of bad eating shouldn’t turn into the rest of the week because hey, I already blew it anyway.

**********

Dating in the Dark

I’m probably one of the few people in America who actually watches this show but I like watching mindless trash. And I especially like watching shows that I can picture myself in the situation of the people appearing in them. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the show, the premise is three guys and three girls live in a house and go on “dates” in one room of the house which is completely dark. They can’t see anything, nothing , nada. So, here are a few thoughts on the show:

• I don’t think this would ever work for me. First, there is no way that I would get all touchy feely after such a short time. But these people are all into the touching and making out. Second, I don’t think looks are everything, but if you’re not a looker I need to see you while I’m getting to know you so it’s not such a shock and your looks can grow on me.

• I love their facial expressions when they get the first look at who they’ve been getting cozy with. The other person can’t see it and it’s usually written all over their face if they were hoping for or picturing someone much hotter.
• Last night the guys and girls got to go through each other’s suitcases. The guys pull out a pair of pants belonging to one of the girls and one says, “Size four. That’s good! That means she’s curvy.” Seriously? Size four? Curvy?

• I liked that one of the guys decided to continue dating a girl that he had a great connection with even though she wasn’t his “type”—blonde and petite.

**********

Dating in Real Life

I’m not sure if it’s me or if there are just really mostly losers out there. I finally heard from one of the men I “winked” at again, the one who I played phone tag with last week. He called twice on Sunday. I knew I wasn’t really into his voice but figured he can’t help. Just like I can’t help that my voice is slightly deeper than most women, or so I’ve been told. 3T’s husband likes to call me Barry White, but for the record, it’s not that bad. I’ve never been mistaken for a man, not even on the phone.

So anyway, I let both calls go to voicemail but returned his call yesterday. And his voice was even worse than on the message. So bad that I thought I had the wrong number. And after talking to him I’m questioning his sexual preference. I cut the conversation off when he asked, “What would it take for you to come out and play?” Gag.

—TOL

Hey, gurrrl! What's your name?

2009-07-24T10:54:00.000-07:00

Why is it that guys who you would like to show interest in you don’t but the random guys (garbage man, janitor, guy with gold teeth pulling fives kids behind him) do. What gives these guys the balls to say hello and the others not?

Now, I’m not saying I’m the kind of girl who gets all offended by cat calls, I’m totally not. I’ll take positive attention anywhere I can get it. Plus, my mom told me that it doesn’t last forever so enjoy it while it lasts and work your shit. Ha! OK, I added in the work your shit part but ~~I know that’s what she meant~~ you get the point.

So anyway, I’ll use last night as an example. I went with 3T and her crew to see the Washington Mystics play at the Verizon Center. (You can check out how it was here.) I was “acknowledged” by the METRO train driver, and a couple ~~losers~~ men at the stadium both who may or may not have had gold teeth, but one definitely was holding a young child.

I was also fully expecting to get hit on by at least one woman because one, the Mystics are a WNBA team and women athletic teams sometimes draw women who love women to them. And two, if it was going to happen to either me or 3T the stars would align and it would be me. But that didn’t happen either.

The thing is that while on the train there were at least two nicely dressed professional looking males, who weren’t wearing wedding bands, in close proximity to us. I would have welcomed conversation from either. But these guys didn’t even give me a glance. What’s up with that? I feel like the guys that I consider worthwhile are probably considered worthwhile by plenty of women so they can have their pick of the litter. And more and more woman are becoming ~~leg-spreading whores~~ overly agressive allowing men to sit back and not put forth any effort.

In online dating I’m noticing that men actually seem like they want me to chase them.

And, I. Will. Not.

The closest I’ve gotten to making the first move is sending a wink. All this does is alert the person that I like what I see. It took the first guy two weeks to respond. I had pretty much written him off when he sent an email, I responded, phone numbers were exchanged. And then he calls on Tuesday at 9:30 in the morning. What?!? I couldn’t answer because like most people who work full time, I was at work. I returned his call later that evening, left a voice message and have yet to hear back from him. WTF?

The second guy responded immediately with a wink. No message, just a wink. I was thinking man, why don’t these guys make a move? But, about an hour later he did, and sent me an email saying he was impressed with my profile and would like to chat. I provided him with my personal email address, which I can access during the day from work, and my number and told him I was looking forward to getting to know him better. And do you know how the ass responded? He sent me his email address and number and said keep in touch. WTF?

I. Will. Not.

I do know that I need to put forth some effort and go after what I want and I'm working on that. But have men been so spoiled by overly aggressive women that they’ve gotten lazy?

Being a member of an online dating site doesn’t change the fact that I want to be pursued. But preferably by a ~~rich, hot, tall,~~ good-looking man, with a great personality and sense of humor.

Is that too much to ask for?

—TOL

Not good

2009-07-21T11:42:00.000-07:00

Warning: this post is being written during a flare up of my chronic bitchitis*

I suck.

I suck hard.

I’ve gained three pounds since last week.

And I suck because I knew it was going to happen and didn’t do anything to prevent or even minimize it.

Exercise? Huh, what’s that?

And I’ve been eating like a pig. Stuffing my face.

As I write I’m surrounded by nilla wafers, gummi bears and Hershey’s kisses.

I finished a Smartones meal and decided to take a walk to get some fresh air. Well, I ran into a co-worker on the elevator and got to talking and ended up right in front of the snack shop where I went in and proceeded to buy a bunch of snacks, then instead of going on a walk, came back to my desk and started munching.

Ahhh!

I need to pull it together.

*Bitchitis: A non life threatening disease which causes a person to act extremely bitchy. Symptoms include complaining, moodiness, short temper, having a sucky attitude, loss of sense of humor, heightened sensitivity, i.e. emotional basket case. Symptoms may be exacerbated by a visit from Aunt Flo.

—TOL

What? Really?

2009-07-15T09:39:00.000-07:00

First, thanks to everyone for your lovely birthday wishes! I had a great weekend!

(Yes I'm the girl who never, ever celebrates just once. I mean, my birthday only rolls around once a year, may as well make the most of it.)

Two dates, a GNO and a day to recoup on Monday. Awesome!

Second, the amazing thing is that I'm two pounds lighter than last week's weigh in. So, either the weight I gained was water bloat from all the beer, the birthday weekend gorging hasn't caught up to me yet (please refer to GNO above), or my body just does whatever the hell it wants, which would explain why I'm not making much progress in my weight loss battle...sigh.

And, I've got nothin' new to report on the dating front....double sigh.

-TOL

Is this a Joke?

2009-07-09T10:22:00.000-07:00

So the internet dating thing provides me with lots of laughs.

I thought I’d share with you, one of the ~~so sad it’s funny~~ funnier emails I’ve received:

Look you are the only one that i could wright to so i hope this goes some where like atlease being friends. I'm ready for a relationship it's just find that right woman to be the one that i would always look up to no matter what. The ups an downs in a relationship help build one very strong. Hope to here from you soon. My yahoo address is xxxx82 @talkmatch.com. 1

I’ll admit, I laughed out loud after reading the first line. “Look you are the only one that I could wright to.”

Way to charm me buddy.

I mean, he’s not “wrighting” to me because he finds me incredibly funny, or beautiful, or because he wants to, but because I’m pretty much his only option.

Great, because I don’t love feeling special at all.

As you can see the next three sentences are just a mess. Such a mess they actually made me feel a little bad for the ~~dumb schmuck~~ poor guy.

And then he signs off with the wrong email address because if this were truly his yahoo address, I’m pretty sure it would end in @yahoo.com. But maybe, I’m wrong, doubt it, but hey.

And just in case you’re curious, me and mr.-should-have-someone-proof-all-his-writing-before-making-contact-with-a-potential-date are not “atlease” friends.

—TOL

1. Name has been blocked to protect his stupidity.

It's Been A Loooooong Time

2009-07-08T04:28:00.000-07:00

Since I posted here.

Coupla reasons.

First, I'm busy as crap right now. It's summer, the dudes are home (and all up in my grill), and I have like a billion (that's for you TOL) other blogs and articles and stuff to write.

Second, this blog seems to work just fine w/o my input. TOL does an awesome job writing and posting and keeping us all entertained with her adventures in man hunting. Plus, and this will lead to my third reason, she has plenty to say about her weight loss battle.

Third, and probably most importantly, I've got nothin'. Nothin' good, nothin' bad... nothin'. I try not to think about my fatness any more than I have to (which, since the dudes are in swim class right now and I spend a ridiculous amount of time around the pool which is staffed by a number of smoking-hot-for-a-fifteen-year-old-are-you-sure-you're-not-20 teeny boppers, is way more than say, last week).

I am basically on a eat what I want, avoid the scale, and try to exercise it off weight loss plan.

So how's that working for me?

It's probably not, but since I've been quite effective at number two, avoiding the scale, my clothes don't seem to be getting tighter, and I'm happy, I can honestly say I don't freakin' care.

I enjoyed about 12 cupcakes this past weekend (that holiday again), and I will be trying to swim in some chocolate for TOL's bday, so I really can not say that I am hugely concerned with my "plan" at the moment.

Besides, someone gave me a compliment at the pool (you know, one of those awkward ones where she was trying to appreciate my new look without acknowledging that I was disgusting before. I just wanted to say, "I get it! I was fat, and nasty, and jiggly, and gross! And, I looked like crap! Just say it already." But, I let her stumble around, and then I finally let her off with a "thank you".).

Which means that I will be fully enjoying my week off (which has turned into more like a month), and will try to try again after TOL's big day.

Hope all of you are faring better:)! -3T

Ahhh!

2009-07-07T10:26:00.000-07:00

I fell off the wagon and am being dragged through the dirt behind it.

I gained three pounds.

Go figure. What else is new?

I consumed ~~a couple~~ a lot of beer over the weekend (Happy birthday America!)

And will partake in more celebrating this weekend (Happy birthday to me!)

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Hometown date

2009-07-02T08:26:00.000-07:00

What’s in a Name broke the asking me out for Sunday lunch date tradition. Instead, he asked if I would meet him in NORTH CAROLINA for the day. (That’s where he’ll be this weekend.)

And in case you don’t know, I live in Maryland.

Yeah, he’s willing to buy me a plane ticket to spend the day with him. What is this? I’m I secretly on the Bachelorette? Who offers up a hometown date this soon?

If I were a daring person I probably would’ve taken him up on the offer. Unfortunately for him, I am not. I’m the no-need-to-pick-me-up-I’ll-meet-you-there-because-I-met-you-on-the-internet-and-you-might-kill-me kinda girl.

Now, if he were offering up Jamaica, I may have jetted off.

Of course, BFF was urging me to go just for story’s sake. I’m happy enough using the offer as my “story.”

—TOL

Is it Friday yet?

2009-06-30T07:19:00.000-07:00

I’m down a pound this week! Yay!

Not sure if I’ll be singing the same tune next week. This week is already shaping up to be pretty stressful.

Work deadlines, ex-boyfriend drama, and rental property mess.

I eat when I’m stressed.

Not good.

Seriously, is it really only Tuesday?

And an update on the dates over the weekend:

The Chubster is out, What’s in a Name still on, for now.

The Chubster just really rubbed me the wrong way on our date. He was late, which I can’t stand, I was there five minutes early not sure what his problem was. And I’m not being overly anal about it. He was late on the first date too, but I gave him a pass because DC traffic can be a bitch and he did call to let me know. But again, somehow I managed to make it on time.

So anyway, he was all antsy because there was a 30-minute wait, he tried to talk me into leaving (I was not) and going somewhere else (the town center), even though I just ordered a glass of wine. And it was Friday night, where wasn’t there going to be a wait? We stayed and we were seated right after I sipped, ok chugged, my refreshing glass of wine.

The next hour consisted of him coming off as cheap and old. Then the check came and he wanted to hop up immediately and go to—the town center (what is it with him and the town center?) and walk around. Not sure why we couldn’t sit at the table continue talking and enjoy the atmosphere of the restaurant he chose (a really cool Greek place!) but whatever, instead I went home.

Haven’t heard from him since. Hope I don’t.

I feel very blah towards What’s in a Name. He doesn’t say much but when he does it’s way too intense. Like, what’s your greatest wish?

Um, yeah, my greatest wish at this very moment is that you would tell me I look nice today because honestly I did put some effort into this, next time I won’t. Or wait, my greatest wish is that you were someone else…

And he only asks me out for Sunday afternoons. What’s up with that?

He’ll be out of town this weekend so I have some time to think about whether or not I’ll see him again. Who knows maybe he’ll do something incredibly charming in the next week and a half.

Don’t worry, I’m not holding my breath.

—TOL

2009-06-25T07:03:00.000-07:00

This week’s weigh in was uneventful.

Nothing lost but most importantly nothing gained.

I haven’t taken my measurements in a few weeks but the pants I’m wearing today feel a little looser around the waist. I’d say not feeling like I’m going to bust out of my clothes all day is a step in the right direction.

I’m not even gonna lie and tell you that I’ve been exercising like crazy, because the truth is I haven’t.

I’ve only been to the gym once since enrolling and I’ve only gotten one workout in this week. I know if I want to continue to see results I need to pick it up.

So here’s the plan for next week:

Monday and Wednesday: gym after work
Thursday: core conditioning class during lunch.
Friday: DVD at home (day off of work for 4th of July holiday)

I have some concerns about exercising during lunch because as I’ve mentioned before I sweat like a pig. So I might not be able to swing getting myself presentable again and back to the office before anyone realizes I’ve been gone far longer than my allotted lunch break.

And on the dating front:

Going out with What’s in a Name and The Chubster (it’s been confirmed) again this weekend. This will be the second date for both and will hopefully give me some answers to what I’m feeling.

Boyfriend or just friends?

—TOL

So. Very. Fat.

2009-06-24T15:05:00.001-07:00

Pretty much sums up how I'm feeling today.

Went to the pool w/the dudes, so that sorta ruined my not-doing-too-bad-lookin'-kinda-fly mojo that I've been on lately.

You know, the one that allowed me to give up my I'm an ex-chubby-chick-trying-to-lose-weight-blog for like a week.

Although, I must say that going to the pool also reminded me that I could be doing soooo much worse... there were some chicks there that were, let's say, well fed and not afraid to flaunt it.

Nevertheless, I'm officially back to hating my thighs and my waist line and my back (oh, the bloody back).

And, I guess the only way to get myself back in gear is to talk about it constantly, obsess over it until I can no longer stand the sound of my voice, and blog about it religiously for all the world to see.

By far, the worst part of my day has been the repeated stuffing of my face with the most delicious Crisco packed chocolate chip cookies you ever did see.

I'm so hating myself right now for overindulging in these fat laden goodies that I would seriously shoot myself right now.

If I didn't want to have another. I would do it. I really would!

Did you have a good workout?

2009-06-18T08:25:00.000-07:00

I’ve been asked twice this week.

Once by a guy who was obviously just trying to make conversation as we were waiting for the elevator leaving the gym.

I was merely enrolling at that point. I explained that to him, we made small talk about the fitness center, I introduced myself….and then he inquired about when I planned on doing my workouts. He was kinda cute so I’m hoping to run into him again. Hopefully before I start my workout and am sweating like a pig.

Anyway, not the point of this post.

The second time was from the gym trainer as I was heading out.

“Did you have a good workout?”

Face red, shirt wet with sweat, walking slowly. It was obvious I had.

But I’m wondering, can you ever really have a bad workout?

I mean, as far as I’m concerned, any time I workout I would described it as good because I could’ve been sitting on my ass eating chocolate cake instead.

But maybe that’s just me.

—TOL

B is for Summer

2009-06-17T08:29:00.000-07:00

Summer started with a B-ang.

B-aked goods...

B-each time...

B-aby pool...

and B-ackyard baseball.

Keep this up and I might have to retract all of my previous statements in which I bashed summer vacay and everything it stands for.

I'm sure tomorrow will have me swallowing my words, but today was B-eautiful.

Oh, and the cupcakes...

They were made with a diet soda and 50% less sugar icing.

Believe it or not they were also pretty tasty! Which is why I am so glad they were less fattening because I ate like 2 (or possibly 5, I sorta lost count).

What's the Point?

2009-06-15T07:11:00.001-07:00

Of me posting on here anymore?

I rarely lose weight; I hardly even try.

I'm over using humiliation in front of the entire world (via the Internet) as a motivation to lose weight; because I obviously have no shame and can not be humiliated despite how much I suck.

And, I'm sure you are getting tired of listening to my half-ass attempts to exercise, eat right, and increase my sexy; because guess what, me too. I'm getting sick of myself talking about what I'm NOT doing to get myself to my happy weight.

Not to say that I'm going to go back to stuffing my face and sitting on my rump, 'cause I'm not.

I'm just not going to post about it so much anymore until I am actually doing something (or seeing a change) worth ~~bragging~~ sharing about.

So, expect to see fewer posts from me about my weight loss (although I reserve the right to talk about whatever other crap I'm interested in).

Besides, wouldn't you rather read more about TOL's online dating escapades, 'cause I know I would.

Hey, nothing like living vicariously through others; that's what I always say. Why focus on your own life when you can be all up in someone else's. Obviously I'm not alone in this feeling (see success of the reality TV industry).

P.S. If you miss me too desperately you can visit me here:)

Happy Day

2009-06-15T06:53:00.000-07:00

Today was weigh-in day and I’m down THREE pounds.

Hells yeah!

I’m joining the gym at work today. Aerobics is over and it just makes the most sense financially and in terms of convenience.

On the dating front, I met a new guy, What’s in a Name (he has the same name as the ex).

We met for lunch but I don’t really have anything to say about him—good or bad. Not sure what that means at this point. I’m still over analyzing in my head.

Guess I'm kinda disappointed though because before we met I really thought I might like this one. Oh well.

So anyway, wish me luck on the weight loss because if I gain even a pound back next week I think I might flip my lid. So tired of the up and down.

—TOL

Hmmm....

2009-06-12T06:19:00.000-07:00

I met the Young One yesterday.

I was pleasantly surprised.

He was better looking in person than in his pictures.

He was on time.

He was nice.

We had a good conversation.

There’s just one thing though….he’s gay and I’m not sure if he knows.

I however, knew right away.

“Hey, so nice to meet you! Nice bag!”

Yeah, his second sentence was nice bag. And not only did he say nice bag, he actually grabbed it to get a better look.

I had my suspicions going in. He’s really into fashion design. But whatever, so is Justin Timberlake, right?

I don’t know maybe he’s not gay, just feminine.

I don’t really care though. He was cool and I'd hang out with him again. Every girl could totally use a gay husband.

He can be Will and I can be Grace.

—TOL

Guess who’s back

2009-06-10T07:55:00.000-07:00

Me! And I’m down a pound from last week.

I did have a really rough weekend though. I didn’t have any plans so I spent a lot of time at home. When I’m at home, I eat. And I ate a lot.

Cookies, tortellini, country ribs, chocolate covered pretzels. (And we’re not talking normal portions here.)

Anyway, I got my mind right again. I’m back on the wagon, taking it one day at a time. So far, so good.

I’ve also had A LOT going on on the guy front. Here’s a quick summary:

Oh Young One: First one I’m actually going to meet up with for a drink (or two). He’s younger than me, six years younger, and it seems like we are in totally different points in our lives so I don’t really see it going anywhere but what will a drink hurt? Plus, he’s lived in this area for awhile so maybe he could suggest a new hotspot for me to check out on my birthday. (It never hurts to start planning early.)

Texting King: He gave himself the moniker. I would say he is absolutely not the king of any kind of communication. Texting King tells me he’s a resident at hospital downtown. Call me shallow but seriously that doctor title was buying him some time. But after a week of random texts and very few emails we finally had an actual conversation this morning. It went downhill fast:
1. I hadn’t had my morning coffee so I wasn’t at my best.
2. He has a weird sing songy way of talking.
3. Not very forthcoming with details of his occupation.
4. Tells me he’s moving back to Iowa in a month.
5. And then proceeds to ask if I want to meet up this weekend.

At this point I’m finding it hard to believe he’s a doctor. OK, I’ll rephrase that. I don’t believe he's a doctor. He just seemed too vague about it. I’m no expert but I do watch Grey’s Anatomy and some of what he said, or didn’t say, just didn’t seem right. Anyway, it doesn't even matter at this point because he’s moving and I’m not looking for a pen pal. Gonna have to break it to him. He will not be meeting me. Next.

The Chubster (possibly): I know, I know, it’s a double standard but we’ve already established that I may be a little shallow. I can handle a few extra pounds on a man but we’ll have to see how many he’s carrying when/if we meet. I like what I like. What can I say?

Anyway, the conversation went well. We talked for about an hour. Good banter back and forth but I’m not sure if this is gonna get him out of the friend category. We’ll see. He gave me what I’m guessing is his standard “compatibility” test. The test included lots of questions about my cooking ability. (Chubster?)

—TOL

Getting Bored

2009-06-08T19:47:00.000-07:00

I'm really getting bored with the whole being fat thing.

Like, I just don't feel like thinking about what I eat, and how much I weigh, and what my workout was like, and fat, and fat, and fat.

I feel like it's all I think about, and it's most definitely the dominating topic of conversation between Tub of Lard and me.

The funny thing is that I'm into my work outs (like, I would almost, maybe, possibly venture to say I enjoy them).

And, as far as food choices, I don't mind eating healthily. I like veggies. I like grilled chicken. I like fish.

But, every now and again (like a ~~couple~~ few times a week) I like doughnuts (or pie, or cookies, or brownies, or ice cream), and I don't want to feel like a fat food whore when I indulge.

I don't want to take my kids for ice creamm and feel like crying because I can't get one, or because I do get onem and then feel like puking it up later.

It sucks.

I just want to lose some frickin' weight so it can all be worth it.

Grrrr!

End rant. -3T

I couldn't help myself

2009-06-05T23:35:00.000-07:00

Because today was National Doughnut Day.

Not sure why we have a National Doughnut Day, but figured if it's only like once a year I should really not pass it up.

So, I partook in the lovely holiday and enjoyed one glazed twist.

Who am I to pass up free doughnuts? -3T

So you're saying I’m fat?

2009-06-05T12:44:00.000-07:00

Have you ever not felt really bad about a situation until someone told you they felt bad for you? They're really trying to make you feel better but it does the exact opposite.

My coworkers and I all ate lunch together yesterday in celebration of my boss’ birthday.

I’ll admit that ever since last week, I pretty much haven’t been on the diet wagon. I wanted something warm for lunch so bought my lunch in the cafeteria. I opted for baked ziti. It came with my choice of two sides. Roasted potatoes, corn, brussle sprouts, or green beans. I ended up with the corn and potatoes ‘cause I don’t do the other two at all.

So I get to the table and open my container and the remarks begin. Talk about the odd combination (I know, but it was the best option), all the carbs (I know), how the cafeteria’s food isn’t that great (again, I know).

Talk continues about my lunch and my boss throws in that she usually cooks very healthy meals for her family like chicken and salmon and that when her son goes to college next year he’s gonna have to watch out because that [points to my lunch] is the type of food they’ll be serving him and he’ll end up getting fat.

Um, yeah, so you’re saying I’m fat?

When this all went down I pretty much brushed it off and thought leave me alone you skinny bitches.

Well, today a coworker who witnessed it brought it up to let me know how bad he felt bad for me and wished they would have just left me alone. Then he went on to recap a few of the highlights for me. “...and then she pointed at your food and said her son was gonna get fat…”

Thank you.

—TOL

Single in the suburbs

2009-06-03T06:35:00.000-07:00

I’ve never really dated. I’m 30 years old and have been on only four dates with men that I didn’t really know, meaning we weren’t friends first, we didn’t work together…you get it. I’m also typically a relationship girl which has lead to my issue. Too much time spent with the wrong ones. My last relationship ended for good in January after many, too damn many, years of back and forth.

So now I’m trying to meet new people. How exactly does one go about meeting a nice guy?

I’ve tried the live life and don’t worry about it. Cause when you aren’t looking he will come right? Well guess what. My man is a no show, he stood me up.

I could go with the friend of the friend route. I hang out with 3T and her family a lot and though I love them I’m not going to meet anyone this way. One, all their friends are married couples and two, the only eligible bachelor that they know showed interest in me and after three months, our casual dating it has already run its course.

So I’m trying my hand at online dating. I figure it can’t really hurt, unless of course I meet a crazed psycho who chops me up in little pieces. Ha! (Don’t worry Mom, I’m being careful.)

I’ve been at it for a couple weeks now and am getting the swing of it. I must admit that the first few days were extremely overwhelming. Apparently, when a fresh and fine prime piece of meat (that would be me) appears on the site the men get excited. The interest was pouring in.

I thought that online dating would be way easier and less time consuming than doing it the old fashioned way. Now that I’ve gotten into a routine, it is, but it still takes time and some work. I mean, I’ve already realized that I better double check my email thread before sending a new message since I sometimes can’t remember how much I’ve already revealed about myself to someone. And I’d look a little crazy repeating myself or asking them the same questions over and over again.

I’ve also learned that you can’t be nice to everyone. In real life I try not to hurt anyone’s feelings and am generally friendly to most men who try to make casual conversation, aka try to pick me up. But online I can just ignore the crazies who apparently have way too much self esteem. Because Sir, if you had really taken to the time to even read part of my profile you’d see that we have absolutely nothing in common nor am I looking for someone who is older than my dad.

So we’ll see how things pan out. I’ve already spoken to one guy, Mr. Party All the Time, on the phone and pretty much know we aren’t a match made in heaven. I do like the efficiency of this. At least I didn’t waste an afternoon or evening chatting this guy up. A few emails, a telephone call and dunzo. Next.

—TOL

Can you say failure?

2009-06-01T19:03:00.000-07:00

I can because I get tons of practice.

I fully enjoyed my family trip to Hershey.

It was a deliciously awesome day of chocolate covered happiness.

What I did not enjoy was stepping on the scale Sunday afternoon to discover that I had regained the coveted 3lbs. I had begged, borrowed, and stolen to lose.

So, similarly to Tub of Lard, I am right back to where I was when I started Campaign Fat Loss.

But, not for long.

Despite the fact that I had to finish off all of the left over Hershey happiness I had lying around the house today, I am back on the starving myself religiously wagon.

Since Tub of Lard and I are going to the SITScation in October, we are making a new vow of denial so that we can look almost as hot as Angie from SevEn cLoWn CirCuS or Mama Kat from Mama's Losin' It or all of the other amazing ladies that will be attending.

So, Tub of Lard, get your game face on 'cause we're gonna do this:)

I suck!

2009-06-01T10:49:00.000-07:00

Well, guess walking around Hershey Park didn’t quite burn off as many calories as I had hoped.

I suck at this weight loss stuff.

I managed to put on four pounds this week. Yep, four pounds.

The really shitty part about putting on four pounds is that I’m now only one pound lighter then when I started this whole shrink my ass program. And that was, what, like three months ago.

I’m feeling really discouraged.

—TOL

2009-05-26T10:13:00.000-07:00

I had a rough week but was lucky enough to come out of it unscathed. Nothing gained, nothing lost.

Lots of fun stuff on the social calendar for this week, which in my book means good food is involved.

The plan is to pick up my exercising.

I overindulged at the BBQ yesterday (the ribs were bangin’), I’m taking a trip with 3T and family to Hershey Park, and Saturday will probably be a date night.

I’m a sick, sick puppy who is already thinking about all the goodies I want to eat at the park. Chocolate (of course), funnel cakes, hot dogs and fries. (OMG, I seriously can’t remember the last time I ate a hotdog!)

Wonder how many calories walking around the park will burn off?

—TOL

Down

2009-05-25T05:12:00.000-07:00

3lbs.

I have finally broken through the fat ceiling and lost weight!

To me losing 3lbs is like losing 40; it feels so great!

I guess I'm going to gain it all back today because it is the fateful holiday BBQ and, it's at my parents' house.

My parents' house is my weakness.

It might as well be the candy covered house from Hansel and Gretel b/c when I'm there I eat everything in sight; walls, floors, ceilings, all of it.

I think it's the wonder of having tons of food around that I didn't have to prepare myself.

Food always tastes better when it's made by someone else, and flavored with their blood, sweat, and tears.

Plus, when I cook, I ruin my appetite by tasting.

And, I'm so exhausted from the cutting, chopping, measuring, browning, and creating of awesomeness that I barely want to even eat (it does happen, just rarely).

So, the parents' house is the perfect solution: everything I like, no work involved.

I will commence to stuffing my face.

I went running, though, to try to at least get my metabolism in gear.

The two of us have a big day ahead.

Enjoy your holiday!

Stuffing It

2009-05-20T04:30:00.000-07:00

My face.

Every since I let my guard down to enjoy my birthday, I have been stuffing it.

I actually think that I consumed so much ooey, gooey, greasy goodness this weekend that Sunday night featured me, and my porcelain homeboy getting very friendly with each other.

Let's review what I ate this weekend, and then you can tell me (actually, just spare me b/c I can't handle the truth) if there is any chance of me NOT gaining weight this week.

Naughty Foods:
Ice cream cake (2 slices)
Huge Steak (w/some sorta flavored butter smeared on top)
Shoestring Fries
salad with regular dressing
Various alcoholic beverages (probably only 2 and a half)
popcorn
regular (gasp!) soda
chocolate covered almonds (nearly an entire Costco sized bag)
shrimp sandwich from Cheesecake Factory
tons of avocado (some delicious appetizer from CCF)
french fries
sweet tea
more popcorn
ice cream
and undoubtedly a few other items that I have chosen to forget in order to maintain any sense of self I have remaining

It wasn't all bad, though.

I have discovered a healthy snack that I quite enjoy: roasted edamame.

It is pretty yum, once you get over the initial shock of the taste which is kinda like sunflower seeds, but not quite as good.

They grow on you.

And, if you can't stomach them plain, they are really good on salads.

That's the bright side.

The only bright side.

That, and the fact that I ran every day this past weekend, to try to counteract some of the food.

Doubt it worked.

I fully intend to skip my weekly weigh in.

What I don't know can't hurt me:) -3T

Ugh!

2009-05-19T09:16:00.000-07:00

I didn’t post last week. Maybe I should have.

Why?

Because last week I could’ve shouted from the roof top that I lost two pounds.

But this week?

This week, I’m back to my normal crappy lose some, gain some pattern.

I gained a pound.

Yeah, it’s only one pound but I would have rather the scale not move at all then gain even a little.

Guess I partied (and ate) like it was my birthday and not 3T’s.

My aerobics class is also coming to an end and it looks like I’ll have to find another one to attend. The class time is changing so I won’t be able to make it because…I have a job.

Apparently the Department of Parks and Recreation thinks that most people who want to participate in their exercise classes are available to attend Monday through Friday between the hours of 9:30 and 11 a.m., since this is when the bulk of their classes are offered.

Don’t know for sure, but I highly doubt Granny wants to join a kickboxing class. Could be wrong but I’m pretty confident in my thinking here.

—TOL

It's my birthday and I'll eat if I want to

2009-05-15T10:33:00.000-07:00

Starting with chocolate covered almonds.

Thank you, Costco for adding this delightful little number to your inventory.

I've looked at them sitting on your shelf for two weeks now and today I said, Self, it's your birthday, might has well enjoy it.

So, I bought them, and now I am eating them (with a diet coke chaser!).

And, I am smiling.

I like to stretch out my birthday celebrations over an entire weekend, and since my idea of fun generally always includes food (and possibly alcohol), I don't expect to make much progress this week.

Although, I don't expect to make much progress any week, because (per my previous posts), I have not lost any weight yet.

A few ounces (yes, I count those too), here and there, but that's it.

I figure, if even on the days/weeks when I am eating well and working out nothing happens, then there is not much reason for me to deny myself birthday pleasure, is there?

Now if I gain two pounds this week, I will be very pissed.

Actually, maybe I won't, because at least then I can lose it next week and finally feel happy that what I am doing is working.

Whatever.

I'm still gonna run so hopefully, some of the bad I put in will be canceled out by the good I am doing on the outside.

Catch up with you when my drug (aka food) induced stupor wears off sometime next week:) -3T

WTH?!

2009-05-11T13:20:00.000-07:00

This is all I can think these days.

Where has all the fat gone?

Nowhere.

It's exactly where it was last week (and the week before, and the week before, and...).

Attached to my fat ass.

Not sure why I can't seem to lose weight.

Let's rewind to about four/five weeks ago.

I was doing nothing to lose weight.

No exercise. No food intake moderation. Nothing.

I was enjoying brownie batter, and ice cream , and mini Kit Kats. I was ordering sausage at breakfast, and french fries at dinner.

I was happy with my food choices, but miserable with my fatness.

So, silly me, I decided to make a change.

I cut out the junk (mostly), and got moving.

I have been eating oatmeal for lunch and veggies (alongside my Smart Ones meal) for dinner.

This weekend I ran 4 miles (last weekend I did 5). Maybe that doesn't sound like much, but it is 100% more than what I was doing 4/5 weeks ago.

So why am I still fat?

Why do my clothes fit the same?

Why do I look and feel the same?

Why has the scale not moved one pound?

It must be broken. That's what it is, it's broken!

Next week I will weigh somewhere else.

'Cause, seriously, if I don't mark a change soon, I will be enjoying brownie mix unabashedly for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and the only thing that will be able to stop me is a wicked case of diarrhea. -3T

Blame it on a-a-a-a-a-alcohol

2009-05-08T08:18:00.000-07:00

I’m back from Florida and at this point two pounds heavier again. I say at this point because at my next weigh in (Monday) I will not be surprised if the numbers go up even more.

I tried to be good. I tried to make good choices but my lack of will power, in addition to alcohol consumption, and well, things got bad. Drinking lowers inhibitions. For some chicks that means turning into promiscuous ho bags—for me it means eating anything in sight.

I really need to get my ass in gear. This up and down is just a waste of time. There is really no point in suffering for a week only to throw it all out the window the next. I’ve been at this for about two months now and am only down 5 pounds and still fucking fat.

I think part of my problem is that on a daily basis I feel pretty good about myself. Yes, I look in the mirror but it just doesn’t seem that bad. But seeing a picture of myself snapped my ass back to reality quick. 3T just sent me some pics she took a few weeks ago. Not cute. Not cute at all. (And no way in HELL am I putting those on my internet dating profile.) And then I did this self torture thing where I compared the photos of today to those from last year…when I weighed 20 pounds less. Why did I let myself get back here?

Seriously, I’ve got to get it together.

—TOL

See Mommy Run

2009-05-06T10:57:00.000-07:00

Because I have been.

The sadness caused by my lack of weight loss is gone (almost), and I have been inspired to do more, push harder, to reach my goal. You know, my goal of losing at least one stinkin' pound.

To make it happen, I have fully gotten back into running.

I have a true love/hate relationship with the sport.

I hate getting ready to do. I hate how it makes me feel for the first five or ten minutes. And, I hate that since I don't have a treadmill or a jogging stroller, I can only do it when Hubby is home to keep the kids.

Because, I also love it. I love how I feel after the first five or ten minutes. I love how accomplished I feel when I'm done doing it. And I love that, since I don't have a treadmill or a jogging stroller, Hubby has to watch the kids (and I can be alone) when I do it.

Hubby was home, so I ran Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

I didn't go very far, and I didn't go very fast, but I went which is more than I can say for the week before.

And, I noticed that by Sunday, I was going a little bit further, a little bit faster, and without all the heavy-breathing-I-think-I'm-gonna-die stuff.

So, lets hope that when I weigh myself at the end of the week I note a difference.

If not, there will be hell to pay, body, and you will be S-O-R-R-Y! -3T

Sad

2009-05-01T18:50:00.000-07:00

Today was a sad day in the land of 3T.

I learned that after a week of salads for lunch and weight watchers meals for dinner, working at least once and sometimes twice a day, and putting myself through a form of torture that should be recognized by the Geneva Conventions, that I did not lose one. Single, Effing, Pound.

I hate my face (and my thighs, and my back, and my disgusting, wiggly, gut) right now.

I am unable to provide any words of wisdom for those of you beginning this treacherous journey.

And (for the first time ever), I am all outta witty one liners and smart alecky quips.

Right now I am just sad. Very, very, sad that, as I approach my 31st birthday, I remain unhappy with my body bag that is perpetually trapping the pretty young thang that I know I still am inside.

For the first time ever, I am too sad to eat. For dinner tonight I ate two pieces of sushi and a couple of strawberries, and guess what, I'm not even hungry.

So, friends, I will return in a few days when I am better able to be a pleasant companion in the weight loss journey, because no one likes a Mopey Mabel hanging around them when they can't even turn to ice cream and chocolate chip cookies for joy and comfort. -3T

Three up, two down

2009-04-29T10:56:00.000-07:00

I lost two pounds this week and I’ll take it without bitching. I’m still playing catch up from the weight I gained last week but at least I’m making progress.

I started tracking my measurements last week too and according to my tape measure I’ve lost 4.75 inches. I’m kinda thinking my measurements may be off, but whatever, I’m going with it for now.

I am already worried about the next couple of weigh-ins though. I’m taking an unexpected trip to Florida on Friday. I’ll be staying at my parent’s house for five days and a lot of shit can go down in five days. A lot of baaad shit. And by bad shit I mean me putting all sorts of yummy goodies in my belly.

So wish me luck and wish me will power.

Still Fat

2009-04-27T07:03:00.000-07:00

That's how I'm feeling this week.

And, not sure what I'm doing so wrong.

I'm not gaining weight, but I didn't lose any this week either (unless you count 6oz, which you don't unless you're a freakin' newborn).

I am certain that I am eating differently and exercising more.

I haven't baked brownies in WEEKS! And, that is quite an accomplishment for someone who used to buy the big box of Ghirardelli ones from Costco every two weeks, faithfully.

I've been eating salad and Smart Ones everyday for lunch, along with sensible dinners. And, everyone who knows me knows that I eat a cup of oatmeal every. single. day. for breakfast.

We went to Chili's yesterday and I got a garden salad with fat free ranch dressing, a half of a turkey sandwich, no cheese, no mayo, and I didn't realize when I ordered it that it came with fries, but I split them among the other not-so-healthy eaters at my table.

Doesn't sound horrible, does it?

To make it better, I didn't even touch the sandwich. I wrapped it up and took it to work for dinner. I had it with broccoli, green beans, and a bag of baked Lays.

Did I want to grub on those fries and rub mayo all over that sandwich? Sure did.

And, did I want to order the Cesar salad with regular dressing and cover my turkey sandwich in Swiss cheese and hickory smoked bacon. You betcha.

But I didn't. I made smarter, healthier, less satisfying to an exhausted-overworked-stressed out mom choices instead.

All for 6 lousy ounces!

But, don't think I'm giving up. I have a few more weeks before we start our mommy-baby swim classes, and the idea of being in a swimsuit with a pool full of fit, young, cute moms is motivation enough for me to keep chugging along (at least for now).

Seriously, though. Something has gotta change. I gotta get myself moving more because I really can't see myself eating any less.

So, here's to another week.

Wish me luck because if I am under 160 by this Saturday I will be celebrating with a nice, big, frosty glass of water:) -3T

Just call me Miss Piggy

2009-04-21T08:41:00.000-07:00

I gained three pounds this week and I can’t even say I’m surprised.

Why? Because 3T was on vacation and it’s all her fault. Just kidding!

I knew it was going to happen but didn’t have the willpower to stop it because food is so freakin’ good! I ate way too much, and I mean, WAY too much over the weekend.

I had that kit kat bar that had been starring at me since pre diet that I didn’t have the heart the throw away (now it’s starring at me from my thighs), a frozen pizza (the whole damn family sized thing, oink, oink, I know), pancakes (as an after dinner snack), and my favorite, chocolate covered pretzels (the perfect addition to Sunday afternoon coffee).

I have this problem that once I fall off the wagon it’s really hard for me to get back on it. I mean, I tend to fall off and get dragged behind the wagon thing for the rest of the day (or couple of days) stuffing my face like bear getting ready for hibernation. It’s like once I get a taste of the goodness all I can focus on are what other yummy treats I can devour.

And today I feel like kicking myself in the ass because basically I let most of the hard work I’ve done over the last few weeks fly right out the window. So now I’ve only lost a total of four pounds…and that sucks.

But I’m determined to put last week behind me and am back on track. I’m going to stay within my point limits, make better food choices, and continue sweating with the oldies. And hopefully I’ll shed at least a couple of these pounds I put back on by the next weigh in. Wish me luck!

-TOL

Baby #4?

2009-04-20T06:30:00.000-07:00

Surprise to me, but apparently I am gallivanting around town proclaiming a pregnancy.

Let me advise all of you curious, overly ~~nosy~~friendly citizens that it is never appropriate to ask an ambiguously pregnant woman if she is, in fact, pregnant.

'Cause guess what, I AM NOT!

I am simply the shameful owner of a bubble gut, a baby belly, a grub tub (I can go on).

On my return trip from Atlanta, I was asked not once, but twice, about the nature of my protruding gut. They were nice enough, and were obviously shamefaced when they discovered the error of their prying ways, but still I was a bit embarrassed (and that is hard to do).

Lady 1: Oh! you have another coming soon?! (Soon? Is it really that big? Big enough to make you think I'm gonna pop any day now?)
Me: Um, nope. No more for me, it's just a fat belly. You know, leftover from this one (pointing at one year old latched to my shoulder).
Lady 1: Oh, no! I'm so sorry. Oh, gosh, I'm sorry. (Face and neck redden obviously. Good, why should I be the only one embarrassed?)

Lady 2: Wow! When are you due? (Can forgive her slightly since I was holding sleeping baby and doing the pregnant, backwards dip to the chair maneuver so as not to awaken said baby).
Me: Never. I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. Sorry.
Lady 2: Oh. Excuse me (as she eyes my midsection suspiciously), I just thought... Sorry.
Me: No problem, not the first time it's happened (Jeez, this is getting ridiculous, and I thought I looked kinda cute in this dress. I'll never wear this piece a crap again!).

For future reference, if you see a lady with a baby who is a little thick in the middle, do her and yourself a favor, don't ask any questions regarding her "status" until she brings it up herself.

It's really just the only way to be safe.

I have to admit, though, that I was VERY naughty on this vacay. I snacked with reckless abandon, I purchased costly, forbidden items (aka Combos) from the airport, and I even went to a b-u-f-f-e-t.

I am not going to weigh myself until Saturday at the very earliest.

I need time to detox.

-3t

Sweatin’ with the Oldies

2009-04-15T08:28:00.000-07:00

I started my aerobics class this week and lost another pound. (YAY!)

So the class consists of me and a group of offbeat old broads.

When I first got there the instructor introduced herself and informed me that she hurt her ankle and wouldn't be able to teach so she got a student to fill in for her to do the moves, and she was just going to basically give us the commands while elevating her leg.

She is your stereotypical aerobics instructor, peppy, enthusiastic, cute and way encouraging. Total opposite of me.

She asked what my experience level was and I told her that I had in fact taken step aerobics before, however it was many years ago. She gave lots of words of encouragement telling me that all the moves will come right back and I should be able to keep up.

Doing the moves was the least of my concern, doing them for an hour without passing out, that was another story. The routines are not that hard to pick up. Yes, it's been years and though I'm clumsy, I am semi coordinated.

As more students joined us in the gym I noticed a reoccurring theme—they all knew each other and they were at least 15 years my senior. One lady I actually made friends with was probably old enough to be my grandmother.

So anyway, as the class got underway I started to realize that not only was I not going to have a problem keeping up but seriously, not to toot my own horn, but coordination wise, I was the best one in the class.

The lady who was up front teaching—not good. There was actually one move that I couldn’t figure out. Why? Because everyone in the class was doing something different, and offbeat none the less. I mean, I could have taught the freakin’ class. Anyway, I did my thing, added some extra intensity on my own and broke a sweat, cause that’s what I’m there to do.

After class the instructor was like you did a great job! Um, yeah, no shit. Look at this group of misfits. But, that's where I'll be for the next couple of months, working out with my old lady friends and hopefully making my ass a little smaller, or firmer if nothing else.

—TOL

Cookies Suck

2009-04-14T07:39:00.000-07:00

Actually, cookies are awesome.

It's me that sucks.

I seriously can not be trusted with anything delicious.

I swear, I feel like a freakin' crackhead most of the time, only my drug is legal, everyone expects you to do it, and it certainly does NOT make you lose weight.

I should look into getting some crack. It can't possibly make me look, feel, or behave any more outrageous than cookies, cake, ice cream, french fries, etc. etc. etc., do.

My only option is to not have access to any of these things. I need to get a lock box and put all of the goodies the hubby and kids like in it and then have #2 swallow the key (he has plenty of practice). Then I'd only be able to access the box like every three days or so.

I know, I'm going too far.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. -3T

2

2009-04-11T19:35:00.000-07:00

Two pounds.

I lost two freakin' pounds.

I guess I should be looking on the bright side. At least I didn't gain two pounds.

But, two pounds?

At this rate it will take me 2 months two lose 15 pounds. And, that's if I keep steady. No bad weeks. No plateaus. None of that crap.

In two months, summer will be well on its way.

I think I can speed this thing up, though.

If I stop having chocolate as a consolation prize, I could probably step the process up a bit.

And, if I start working out. REally working out. I could probably inch it up to say three, maybe three and a half pounds for the next couple of weeks.

There has got to be a better way. I've been torturing myself for the past week for a measely TWO POUNDS?!

Okay. Let me calm down a bit; get a plan of action in place. Focus.

I will just beef up my workouts this week and see what happens.

I swear, it better be more than two pounds. -3T

Naughty Girl

2009-04-09T19:17:00.001-07:00

I've broken one of my primary, unwritten rules: NO MCDONALD'S

I couldn't help myself.

I tried to resist, but I fell victim to peer pressure and sabotage.

My kids wanted McDonald's. After all, it is spring break. And, how can you enjoy spring break without greasy food and ice cold ~~beer~~ soda. Well, I didn't actually let them drink soda. We didn't go that crazy.

But, I did agree to take them to Mickey D's after our brief trip to the park that ended in an all out, full blown, to the death, one year old tantrum (he had shots and he has a cold, so he's excused).

Off we went to the happiest place on earth.

We got there at exactly the same moment my stomach erupted into it's feed-me-now-or-so-help-me act that it always puts on just after noon, and I just could not force myself to get a crappy salad. I tried to talk my brain, I mean my stomach, into waiting until later, but it made a valid argument. The baby was in such a mood that we would not be able to ensure that tummy's needs were going to be met later. So, it was an unavoidable eat now or suffer the consequences scenario. On a day like today (tantrums, four year old shots, soccer practice, photo editing, house cleaning) the consequences were just not an option.

So, as you can see, my kids and my stomach pressured me into choosing a burger, fries, and sweet tea for lunch. It was beyond my control.

And, the sabotage? The sabotager was my mother, bless her heart, who offered to pay for the meal. Sadly, I have not advanced far enough past my college years to turn down a free meal, no matter how cheap, disgusting, or unhealthy it may be.

Tomorrow will be better.

I am scheduled to visit the golden arches once again for a birthday with my kids, but this time I will eat a healthy snack before, and enjoy my healthy lunch after.

I will not fall victim to the fried goodness again. At least not until next week at the very earliest:)

-3T

I'm not dead

2009-04-07T06:49:00.000-07:00

I'm still here.

I've just been busy here, and here, oh and here.

But, not so much here.

But, my eating has been going ok.

Not great, but ok. As in, don't want to shoot myself in the stomach b/c I'm hungry. But, not exactly at the healthy-food-is-so-awesome stage yet either.

But, isn't that great about Tub of Lard?

I don't know if I lost any weight this week because I refuse to own a scale, but I'm pretty sure that if I didn't then it's because she lost so much that if I lost some too then the universe would be outta whack or something.

I'll let you know when I weigh myself on Saturday how much weight I've lost. If I haven't lost any expect nothing because I will not posting from the bathroom where I am bludgeoning myself in the bathtub.

Have a nice day!

-3T

Minus six and counting

2009-04-06T09:14:00.000-07:00

My terrible week mood wise still turned out to be effective in the weight loss department.

I’m down six pounds!

I’ve ridden this weight loss roller coaster enough to know that most of that is probably water weight and not fat. But that’s ok. Seeing the numbers on the scale going down makes me happy.

So my goal for this week—start exercising!

—TOL

Costco's Crazy

2009-04-03T19:03:00.000-07:00

Or, maybe it's me.

Maybe I am the one who is nuts for not being able to understand why their Two-Bite Cinnamon Rolls (which in my opinion are really only like one bite, maybe one and a half if you're trying to savor it) are so ridiculously high in fat/calories/bad crap.

Seriously, a mere four bites of goodness (serving size is 2) will leave with 210 calories of shame and 9 grams of fat on your rump.

And, yes I had one. Oh, shut up, I had four, okay. That means I ate 420 calories and 18 grams of fat in cinnamon rolls.

Which, I think I earned as a little treat to spending the entire week hungry and sweaty (I worked out everyday!).

Know what the worst part is? Since we bought them from Costco, there are still like 385 of those freaking things sitting there in their buttery, soft, sweetness daring me to ignore them for the rest of the weekend. Hate to disappoint the little buggers... -3T

PMS is a bitch

2009-04-02T08:31:00.000-07:00

I’ve been MIA from posting because I didn’t want to be Debbie Downer.

T3 is doing great and kicking ass. She’s rocking it out and I’m so proud of her.

I, however, am having a hard time.

I’m hungry.

I’m tired.

I’m moody.

I'm in full on bitch mode.

I recognize it, I just can't stop it.

I have been counting my WW points since Monday and been making good food choices, but still feel like I could be doing better.

I’ve already dipping into my extra weekly points which I try to save for the weekends.

I haven’t exercised at all. I’ve been too tired. (Please don’t tell that if I worked out I’d have more energy. Save it. Or my head may start to spin.)

But I guess, looking on the bright side, I am making good food choices and haven’t given in to temptation and eaten everything in sight. A step in the right direction, right? Because seriously, I could do some major damage to these right now. LOVE them! Salty and sweet all wrapped into one.

Anyway, I’ll be back to normal soon—whatever that is.

— TOL

Wednesday

2009-04-02T04:08:00.000-07:00

I know today is Thursday, but I have to tell you how Wednesday went, silly.

I worked out. All Star workouts on FitTV suck. But, I did it anyway.

I did good with my eating. No huge portions. No greasy goodness. No scrumdidiliumptious. Mostly just Operation Reduce Caboose approved food.

But, I have to admit to one minor transgression.

I found a Kitkat bar hiding surreptitiously in my bread box. Thought it was a prank, you know April Fool's Day an all, so I ignored it initially.

However, I can not ignore things like an unclaimed Kitkat bar. If I could do you think my moniker would be Two Ton Tilly? Um, no.

I finally couldn't take the fact that it even existed for one more second so I undressed it, snapped a section off, and took a bite.

I realized my mistake instantly so I took the other three rectangles and gave them to #2. He was ecstatic.

Don't worry, I made him burn off the calories later by riding his bike in circles in the garage (it was raining).

But, this can't happen again.

Day 2

2009-03-31T11:31:00.000-07:00

So, I've completed day two of Operation Bye Bye Fat Ass and it's going pretty good, if I do say so myself.

Breakfast:
-Oatmeal w/ brown sugar, of course

Snack 1:
-100 cal cookies

Lunch:
-Same as dinner last night (noodle soup w/chicken and asparagus) and a WW cake

Snack 2:
-100 cal cookies (never should have bought those freakin' cookies)

Dinner:
-Subway. I took the dudes to Mickey D's as predicted but to prevent myself from morphing into the Tasmanian Devil and going nuts on the Mcnuggets, I got my food first and ate it while driving to MCD's. I must admit, though, that I did sneak a couple of their fries. Really, it was only like 3 or four.

And, just to punish myself (for my transgressions with the fries), I didn't have an evening snack.

For exercise I walked at the park for 40 minutes while #2 was at preschool. No time for more since we had doctor's appt and soccer practice in the afternoon/evening. Back at it with Gilad in the am:)

Hopefully, this will soon become second nature and stop feeling like a chore. It takes 21 days to start a new habit, right? So, I only have 19 to go:)-3T (Two Ton Tilly)

Go ahead, give it up

2009-03-30T18:21:00.000-07:00

For me!!!

That's right I'm tooting my own horn, people.

Because day one of Operation Slim Fast has been a success and I'm only minorly hungrey and moderately sore.

So, here's what went down.

Exercise
-I worked out twice (30 min each time) to Gilad.
-Then I went on a 30 minute walk pushing about &0lbs of stroller (#2 weighs 38lbs and #3 weighs 25lbs, plus the stroller, do the math, people) in a VERY hilly neighborhood.

Food
-Breakfast: 1 cup oatmeal w/1T brown sugar
-Snack #1: fat free yogurt
-Lunch: WW meal, asapargus w/1t margarine, WW cake
-Snack #2: asparagus
-Dinner: Soup made of chicken breast (boiled), Japanese noodles (only 120 cals and 0 grams of fat), and asaparagus, with a side of green beans
-Snack #3: WW cake which I am enjoy this very moment

So? Not bad, heh?

Now, tomorrow I envision a problem. #1 has an appt. with his allergist immediately following school. We will leave from the allergists office and go for an early dinner b/c he has soccer practice. But, it's not enough time to go to a healthy eatery so it will probably be Mickey D's or Taco Bell. Always hard for me to avoid the greasy goodness when I'm passing it around to the dudes.

OOOOOh. I know. I'll get Subway! It worked for Jared, right?

Yeah Boyeee!!!

2009-03-30T06:44:00.000-07:00

I did it.

Just like I said I would.

I worked out for a second time.

I had my personal trainer on the couch behind me yelling insults like: "Your muscles are little!", "Your belly is wiggling!", and other equally depressing tidbits.

He can't help that his 4 year old perspective is brutally honest and moderately defeatist.

Even more exciting is that since my fiber filled breakfast of oatmeal, I have not had another morsel to eat. It's water for me until my designated snack time of 10:30 and then I'm gonna have something low cal. Not sure what, yet, but I'll let you know.

I really need to go to the grocery store, otherwise I'm gonna be forced to eat Cheetoes and mini Recesses for snack.

Ya'll Ready for This?

2009-03-30T04:00:00.000-07:00

We can change the name of this blog to Diary of A Mad Fat Woman, because that's exactly what I am.

I'm fat, and now I'm getting kinda mad about it.

I'm thinking it's the only thing that's gonna get this weight loss/life change deal I'm working on to go somewhere.

Why am I mad? Because, being overweight SUCKS!

And, not just because I have to look at people like this, or this, or OMG THIS, everywhere I turn.

There are also more practical reasons why being over weight pisses me off.

First, I lost weight last year and was a full 15lbs lighter, fitter, and healthier than I currently am. So, I'm mad at myself for letting it go.

Second, I hate being sloppy and fat. Being sloppy is sorta a way of life for me. I stay home with my dudes and unless I'm going to a specific event (an event for us would be grocery shopping) I pretty much wear workout gear at all times. Not because I'm working out, or I may soon be working out, or because I am always in search of an opportunity to workout. It's actually b/c I like comfort and at least in workout gear I look like I may possibly be engaged in one of the activities I mentioned I am not engaging in. Workout gear implies that I may or just did workout which gives me an excuse to not be wearing normal clothing. Basically, it's either workout gear or sweats. Thinner in workout gear just looks natural. Fat in workout gear looks sloppy, and kinda dumb b/c I feel like it's obvious I haven't broken a sweat in them.

Third, I'm hot. And, being hot makes me mad.

Fourth, I am uncomfortable. And, being uncomfortable makes me hot, which in turns makes me, you guessed it, mad.

And for the fifth and final reason, being the Fatty Mcfatterton that I am pisses me off because it means that I have to work super hard to not be anymore, and the prospect of doing that makes me mad.

But, mad or not I'm in it to win it and today is the big day.

It's the start of a new week, the start of a new month (close enough), the start of a new season (finally starting to warm up here), and the start of a new me!

Got up early today and did a 30 minute workout with my boy Gilad, who btw is AWESOME!

Ate a sensible breakfast of oatmeal with a hearty glass of water, and plan to work out again after dude #1 heads off to school.

So, if nothing else, at least today I will have a legitimate excuse for wearing my workout clothes all day.

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign

2009-03-27T10:43:00.000-07:00

I know exercise is a key element that will lead me to my goal of losing weight and becoming healthy.

I know this, I’m not stupid.

I know to lose weight you have to burn more calories than you consume. Easy concept, hard to follow.

Step one of my plan is to start counting Weight Watcher’s points again. Step two will be to exercise…on a regular basis.

The signs have been thrown at me and I’m listening.

I had a crazy migraine yesterday, complete with aura, and hand and face numbness. My line of work, and the fact that I suffer from mild hypochondria, lead me to believe I was having a stoke. So I called Two Ton Tilly to make sure my speech wasn’t slurred. When she answered I informed her that I’m calling to check my speech because I think I’m having a stroke.

She laughed at me and asked me what the f@#$ I was talking about. No love, guess she’s used to me. She’ll be sorry for laughing if I ever do have a stroke.

Anyway, I recovered and scheduled an appointment with the neurologist, ya know just in case.

I also received my city’s spring recreation class registration brochure in the mail yesterday. I’d thought about taking an aerobics class before but am pretty good at making excuses so always talked myself out of it.

Then, this morning there was an email in my inbox waiting on me: “Study shows that exercise reduces migraine suffering.”

OK, OK, I get it. Exercise will shrink my ass and could make my head stop hurting.

So the check is in the mail. Starting mid April I’ll be attending a step aerobics class twice a week.

Booya!

Vacation weight gain

2009-03-26T11:15:00.000-07:00

So, I'm back from my work trip/vacation and three pounds heavier.

I went into the trip with the best intentions.

I packed my workout gear, since I knew I'd have access to a gym, and told myself I wasn't going to overindulge.

That went out the window on the first day. After a day of traveling and setting up for the exhibit, I found myself sitting at the hotel bar needing a beer and stuffing my face with a burger and fries.

And it just continued to spiral out of control from there.

Pretty much everything I ate was fried.

It got so bad I actually started to crave a salad. And then I washed it down with a couple of adult beverages, OK more than a couple, in fact enough that I found myself on stage singing karaoke. And for the record, I can't sing...at all.

But I mean seriously, did I really think I was going to spend three days in New Orleans and not drink?

So anyway, after New Orleans my parents picked me up to take me to Florida. My mom, a blunt, no nonsense kind of woman, greeted me with, "Man, you really have gained weight and you look tired....here want a beignet?"

I told her she was correct on all of the above and if we could please save the insults for tomorrow. I was only working with four hours of sleep and couldn’t handle it. And then I grabbed the beignets and stuffed my pie hole.

I spent the next three days at my parent’s house. My mom cooked all of my favorite meals and had plenty of treats to snack on. I went out with old friends and caught up over, yes, more drinks.

So now I’m back at home, exhausted, and fatter. I never even touched my workout clothes. (Well, I did shuffle them around in my suitcase some.) But I’m serious about getting it together now.

There is nothing like a trip to the beach to remind you how out of shape you are. And I wasn't even in a bathing suit, I wore pants. Yes, I wore pants to the beach because I'm fat, and my summer clothes don’t fit.

I still have a couple of months before the weather here will require me shed the layers of clothes that are currently hiding my flaws.

So, guess I better get off my lazy ass and hit the gym. And on Monday I’ll be back to counting points.

Yes, Monday, I realize that that is still a few days away but that’s my official online Weight Watchers start day, I currently have no food at home and need to stock up on healthy items, I have a date over the weekend and I’m not the type of girl who orders salad when I’m offered a free meal, and Two Ton Tilly isn’t starting until Monday and we are supposed to be doing this together, right?

Those are my excuses and I’m stickin' to 'em.

What I'm putting off?

2009-03-26T03:38:00.000-07:00

Well. Isn't it obvious?

I am actively putting off the start of my new life.

I like my old life. My chocolate chip cookie, chicken Mcnugget, Dunkin Donuts, caramel frappachino filled old life.

Not really. I know that I really don't like my old life because I HATE how my old life makes me feel. And, I'm disgusted by how my old life makes me look. And, I remember before when I briefly had a new life, I felt great, I looked better, and I barely even missed all of the yummy, sticky, sweet, fattening, unhealthiness that plagues me today.

So, I'm not sure why I'm avoiding it.

I'm not sure why I can't kick myself in the rump, and actually start exercising, and stop stuffing my expanding gut with all the scrumdidiliuptious I can get my chubby little hands on.

I'm not sure why I'm avoiding the happiness that awaits me on the other side of the 15 pounds I have to lose.

I can give you a number of excuses: I'm tired, it's cold, my hubby and kids like to have cookies, it was #3's birthday, and then it was #2's birthday, and before you know it, my birthday will be here, and Tub of Lard made me do it.

But none of these excuses have any true bearing on why I'm a pig. And, none of them can even hold water when I compare them to all of the reasons I should stop avoiding and start living healthy: I will have more energy, my kidneys will thank me in the future (I have kidney disease), I can enjoy the summer with my kids without being embarrassed or hot, maybe I could wear shorts!

So many reasons to stop avoiding and start doing.

They will thank me.

I will thank me.

Gosh, if you have to ever be anywhere around me, you will thank me.

So here's to stopping my avoidance and starting my new life.

Thank you Mama's Losin' It. Your prompt may be the catalyst, the impetus for me to get it in gear. And as the attention craving poodle that you are, you should love that!

Don't forget to visit me @ http://parentingbydummies.blogspot.com/

A plan

2009-03-25T03:39:00.000-07:00

We must get a plan.

Tub of Lard will be back from her fantastic voyage today, and we have got to get ourselves of plan of action.

We need to nail down exactly how we are gonna enact operation get fit, or whatever we are calling it.

Because without a plan I gain 15 pounds in 4 months.

And, without a plan, I eat cake for lunch and donuts for dinner.

Lack of a plan, allows me to skip my exercise routine and blog instead, and it causes me to go out for a run, but then walk the entire way, which I shortened since I had no plan.

Since we restarted this weight loss initiative, I've not lost one ounce of weight.

I am holding strong at too fat for summer clothes.

Luckily, I'm at a good weight for staying warm in cold weather since it's still FREEZING here.

But, it's bound to warm up.

Any day now, it's gonna be too hot for hoodies and sweat pants, and then I'm gonna have a problem.

So, Tub of Lard, I'm putting my foot down. We need a plan!

Sorry...

2009-03-21T09:24:00.000-07:00

but, I've decided to temporarily postpone starting my diet.

I know, I know. I've gotten you all on board, spun this tale of sorrow and regret; made promises about how I'm different now, and ready to beat the snot outta the fat chick hiding inside of me with a bag of oreos under her pillow.

I'm doing exactly what I always do, quitting.

But, this time it's not my fault.

Because, it's Tub of Lard's fault.

I know that I should take responsibility for the fact that I've eaten an absurd amount of cupcakes, ice cream, and bacon recently.

I know I should take responsibility for not going out to run one single time this week. Wait, I did go on Sunday, that's still part of this week, right?

And, I know I should take responsibility for being a total fat slob.

I do. It's my fault, mostly.

But not entirely.

Because Tub of Lard and I are supposed to be doing this together, but she had to go on travel for her stupid 'ole job and then she's goin' home for a family visit and there is no way she is dieting right now.

As a matter of fact I'm pretty sure she's already had burgers, fries, and beer.

Which is fine. Totally fine.

But it wouldn't be fair if I started without her.

Even though this is not a competition (it so is not).

I still think it's only right that since we decided to do this together that we actually DO THIS TOGETHER.

So, I see no reason to hide the fact that as I type this I am eating ice cream from the container.

I know some of you are gonna stop reading our blog now because we're not serious or inspirational enough.

And, that's okay.

But just do us one favor: Check back in two months (ok make it three) and see if we've turned things around.

If we haven't you can tell all of your friends about these two fat, loser blogger girls.

But if we have, then we'll kindly accept your apology for loss of faith so early in the game.

Hey there cupcake

2009-03-18T11:29:00.001-07:00

So today has been a pretty bad day with regard to my Fat Ass Reduction Plan.

As always, my intentions were good. I planned to eat healthy and stay on track.

But, you can blame it on those chocolaty, sprinkled cupcakes with their vanilla icing goodness. They were over there all dressed up, begging for the chance to show me their stuff. Didn't want to let them down, so, you know I ate a couple.

But that's not all I did. I had McDonald's too!

I didn't mean to, it just sorta happened.

We had packed a delicious little picnic lunch to share with our friends at the park. It was supposed to be a sunny 70 degree day so we wanted to take advantage of it after being cooped up for so long.

But it wasn't sunny, it was foggy. And not like a little foggy, but like San Fran in the winter. And, it wasn't warm either. I'd be surprised if it made it up to 50 this morning. Nowhere near the 70 we were looking forward to.

So, basically the kiddies chickened out at the park after about 30 minutes and the yummy, healthy, low fat lunch I packed was abandoned for the greasy, fattening, comfort of chicken nuggets and fries.

I know I could've gotten a salad or eaten my home made lunch even though they were having McDonald's. But seriously, if that were my MO then I probably wouldn't be a contributing writer on a blog entitled Too Fatties.

Needless to say I got chicken and fries and a sweet tea to wash it all down with, which I thoroughly enjoyed until about 8 minutes ago when I sat down to write this blog.

Now I want to go into the bathroom and jam the straw from my tea down my throat until I puke up the deep fried goodness I shoved down there earlier.

But, I hate barfing, and then I'd be hungry in a few minutes again anyway, and I'm guessing I've already absorbed most of the badness already, so forget it.

Instead, I'll go for a run when Hubby gets home from work. Yep. That's what I'll do. I'll jog it off.

So, do you think it'd be okay if I had another cupcake?

Introducing: Two Ton Tilly

2009-03-17T10:10:00.001-07:00

My Stats:
Age: 30
Weight: 165
Height: 5'3
Size: 8/10 (kinda depends on the store)
Desired Weight: 150 (140 if you're nasty)

Right now I'm eating a cupcake. A yummy chocolate cupcake with a huge dollop of vanilla icing on top.

Later, I will want to puke.

I have the self control of an 8 week old puppy.

I don't know why I can't get myself in gear. I always start out with good intentions and a rock solid plan.

But then, something goes wrong. Today what went wrong was that I planned to workout, but then my son broke his toe. And, I planned to make good food choices, but then remembered that we'd be having cupcakes to celebrate my other son's 4th bday (and I have to test them, right?).

So now, here I sit, having my Weight Watchers Smart One meal with a cupcake chaser. Go me!

This is just another lap in the vicious weight cycle I've been on since I got pregnant with my first son. I joined Club Fat Ass at that point and have been a faithful and active member since then.

I recently lost 35lbs.

I recently gained 15.

I don't want to gain more.

This summer I want to go to the pool and swim without my t-shirt on. I want to go to my son's baseball practice and not be the hot, sweaty, fat chick hiding under the tree to prevent looking like a roasting pig. As a matter of fact, I don't want to be the fat chick at all anymore. I hate that I look the best in my maternity clothes (not pregnant, I swear, I'm not). I hate that I have a name for my back. I call it the snack pack, b/c it looks like I have a pack of snacks back there for long trips to the zoo.

And, I hate chonch. Now the definition in the Urban Dictionary is a little off for my tastes. Because, in my world when you are so fat that your pants are being slowly consumed by your crotch, you, my friend have what I call chonch.

I have frequently been the victim of chonch and I refused to go back to those days.

So, BFF and I are gonna get back on the wagon and stop this food insanity that is plaguing our lives. We figured that the best way to keep ourselves honest is to share it with the world wide web.

And, we are starting on like Monday so that cupcake so does not count:)

Introducing: Tub of Lard

2009-03-17T10:06:00.000-07:00

Tub of Lard

Current stats:

30 years old

Single

175 pounds

5’5 and a quarter and shrinking (a story for another day)

I am officially a big, fat, tub of lard.

This battle of the bulge started getting out of control during college when I acquired the taste for beer. Looking back beer probably wasn’t the only thing I consumed on a regular basis that played a part in my expanding waistline. Late night visits, or should I say early morning visits, to the Waffle House (bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches with extra mayo, hash browns scattered covered smothered, yum!) probably had a lot to do with it too.

Over the years my weight has fluctuated, yo-yoing from 139 to my heaviest of 185. I’ve lost 40 here, gained 20 there, lost 10 more only to gain 25 back. Did the Atkins diet, worked out with The Firm chicks, took weight loss pills (bad, I know), joined weight watchers….stuffed my pie whole.

My weights have dust on them an inch thick and I can’t even tell you where my sports bra is…one that fits anyway. I can locate plenty that are so tight they add an extra roll of fat to the existing pack of hotdogs I already have on my back.

Not pretty.

Something must be done.

So, today I find myself 30 years old, single, in this stupid freakin’ dating world looking for a husband. And, before you go there, no, I’m not trying to lose weight to snag a man. I must say that the men I meet really don’t judge my body as hard as I do. But I also never want to be that girl with “such a pretty face” either.

I want to lose weight and get fit for my health—mental and physical. I know the numerous weight fluctuations and being overweight are unhealthy for my body. Mentally, I spend way too much time obsessing over my fat ass. I won’t wear anything that shows my thighs. I HATE MY THIGHS! Shorts and skirts are required to at least hit the knee. Bathing suits=no. And you know what, I just want to buy cute clothes. There I said it. It’s all about the clothes.

So with summer right around the corner the BFF and I are trying again. I hope doing it together and putting it out there for the world to see will get our asses’ in gear because there are few things more embarrassing than blogging about losing weight and then having to report to the world that you suck and you’ve actually gained.

And for the record, I don’t want to suck.

I talk a lot shit about people who suck and don’t want to be put in the sucky category.

So, anyway, stay tuned. I’ll keep you posted.

That's right, we're fat

2009-03-16T13:01:00.000-07:00

And we know it.

But, we are NOT proud of it.

We are actively (okay we could be more active) working to fit back into our skinny jeans.

And not the size 14 "skinny jeans" which, in my opinion, is quite an oxymoron.

We want to fit into our size 6 (ok, size 8) skinny jeans. That would be nice.

And, since we have failed miserably at doing it alone, we are trying to do it together.

So we hope you enjoy laughing with us (not at us) and crying with us when we lose and when we gain.

Maybe we can eventually go back to this.

It's not us, but you know what I mean:)