Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Day 2

So, I've completed day two of Operation Bye Bye Fat Ass and it's going pretty good, if I do say so myself.

-Oatmeal w/ brown sugar, of course

Snack 1:
-100 cal cookies

-Same as dinner last night (noodle soup w/chicken and asparagus) and a WW cake

Snack 2:
-100 cal cookies (never should have bought those freakin' cookies)

-Subway. I took the dudes to Mickey D's as predicted but to prevent myself from morphing into the Tasmanian Devil and going nuts on the Mcnuggets, I got my food first and ate it while driving to MCD's. I must admit, though, that I did sneak a couple of their fries. Really, it was only like 3 or four.

And, just to punish myself (for my transgressions with the fries), I didn't have an evening snack.

For exercise I walked at the park for 40 minutes while #2 was at preschool. No time for more since we had doctor's appt and soccer practice in the afternoon/evening. Back at it with Gilad in the am:)

Hopefully, this will soon become second nature and stop feeling like a chore. It takes 21 days to start a new habit, right? So, I only have 19 to go:)-3T (Two Ton Tilly)

Monday, March 30, 2009

Go ahead, give it up

For me!!!

That's right I'm tooting my own horn, people.

Because day one of Operation Slim Fast has been a success and I'm only minorly hungrey and moderately sore.

So, here's what went down.

-I worked out twice (30 min each time) to Gilad.
-Then I went on a 30 minute walk pushing about &0lbs of stroller (#2 weighs 38lbs and #3 weighs 25lbs, plus the stroller, do the math, people) in a VERY hilly neighborhood.

-Breakfast: 1 cup oatmeal w/1T brown sugar
-Snack #1: fat free yogurt
-Lunch: WW meal, asapargus w/1t margarine, WW cake
-Snack #2: asparagus
-Dinner: Soup made of chicken breast (boiled), Japanese noodles (only 120 cals and 0 grams of fat), and asaparagus, with a side of green beans
-Snack #3: WW cake which I am enjoy this very moment

So? Not bad, heh?

Now, tomorrow I envision a problem. #1 has an appt. with his allergist immediately following school. We will leave from the allergists office and go for an early dinner b/c he has soccer practice. But, it's not enough time to go to a healthy eatery so it will probably be Mickey D's or Taco Bell. Always hard for me to avoid the greasy goodness when I'm passing it around to the dudes.

OOOOOh. I know. I'll get Subway! It worked for Jared, right?

Yeah Boyeee!!!

I did it.

Just like I said I would.

I worked out for a second time.

I had my personal trainer on the couch behind me yelling insults like: "Your muscles are little!", "Your belly is wiggling!", and other equally depressing tidbits.

He can't help that his 4 year old perspective is brutally honest and moderately defeatist.

Even more exciting is that since my fiber filled breakfast of oatmeal, I have not had another morsel to eat. It's water for me until my designated snack time of 10:30 and then I'm gonna have something low cal. Not sure what, yet, but I'll let you know.

I really need to go to the grocery store, otherwise I'm gonna be forced to eat Cheetoes and mini Recesses for snack.

Ya'll Ready for This?

We can change the name of this blog to Diary of A Mad Fat Woman, because that's exactly what I am.

I'm fat, and now I'm getting kinda mad about it.

I'm thinking it's the only thing that's gonna get this weight loss/life change deal I'm working on to go somewhere.

Why am I mad? Because, being overweight SUCKS!

And, not just because I have to look at people like this, or this, or OMG THIS, everywhere I turn.

There are also more practical reasons why being over weight pisses me off.

First, I lost weight last year and was a full 15lbs lighter, fitter, and healthier than I currently am. So, I'm mad at myself for letting it go.

Second, I hate being sloppy and fat. Being sloppy is sorta a way of life for me. I stay home with my dudes and unless I'm going to a specific event (an event for us would be grocery shopping) I pretty much wear workout gear at all times. Not because I'm working out, or I may soon be working out, or because I am always in search of an opportunity to workout. It's actually b/c I like comfort and at least in workout gear I look like I may possibly be engaged in one of the activities I mentioned I am not engaging in. Workout gear implies that I may or just did workout which gives me an excuse to not be wearing normal clothing. Basically, it's either workout gear or sweats. Thinner in workout gear just looks natural. Fat in workout gear looks sloppy, and kinda dumb b/c I feel like it's obvious I haven't broken a sweat in them.

Third, I'm hot. And, being hot makes me mad.

Fourth, I am uncomfortable. And, being uncomfortable makes me hot, which in turns makes me, you guessed it, mad.

And for the fifth and final reason, being the Fatty Mcfatterton that I am pisses me off because it means that I have to work super hard to not be anymore, and the prospect of doing that makes me mad.

But, mad or not I'm in it to win it and today is the big day.

It's the start of a new week, the start of a new month (close enough), the start of a new season (finally starting to warm up here), and the start of a new me!

Got up early today and did a 30 minute workout with my boy Gilad, who btw is AWESOME!

Ate a sensible breakfast of oatmeal with a hearty glass of water, and plan to work out again after dude #1 heads off to school.

So, if nothing else, at least today I will have a legitimate excuse for wearing my workout clothes all day.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign

I know exercise is a key element that will lead me to my goal of losing weight and becoming healthy.

I know this, I’m not stupid.

I know to lose weight you have to burn more calories than you consume. Easy concept, hard to follow.

Step one of my plan is to start counting Weight Watcher’s points again. Step two will be to exercise…on a regular basis.

The signs have been thrown at me and I’m listening.

I had a crazy migraine yesterday, complete with aura, and hand and face numbness. My line of work, and the fact that I suffer from mild hypochondria, lead me to believe I was having a stoke. So I called Two Ton Tilly to make sure my speech wasn’t slurred. When she answered I informed her that I’m calling to check my speech because I think I’m having a stroke.

She laughed at me and asked me what the f@#$ I was talking about. No love, guess she’s used to me. She’ll be sorry for laughing if I ever do have a stroke.

Anyway, I recovered and scheduled an appointment with the neurologist, ya know just in case.

I also received my city’s spring recreation class registration brochure in the mail yesterday. I’d thought about taking an aerobics class before but am pretty good at making excuses so always talked myself out of it.

Then, this morning there was an email in my inbox waiting on me: “Study shows that exercise reduces migraine suffering.”

OK, OK, I get it. Exercise will shrink my ass and could make my head stop hurting.

So the check is in the mail. Starting mid April I’ll be attending a step aerobics class twice a week.


Thursday, March 26, 2009

Vacation weight gain

So, I'm back from my work trip/vacation and three pounds heavier.

I went into the trip with the best intentions.

I packed my workout gear, since I knew I'd have access to a gym, and told myself I wasn't going to overindulge.

That went out the window on the first day. After a day of traveling and setting up for the exhibit, I found myself sitting at the hotel bar needing a beer and stuffing my face with a burger and fries.

And it just continued to spiral out of control from there.

Pretty much everything I ate was fried.

It got so bad I actually started to crave a salad. And then I washed it down with a couple of adult beverages, OK more than a couple, in fact enough that I found myself on stage singing karaoke. And for the record, I can't all.

But I mean seriously, did I really think I was going to spend three days in New Orleans and not drink?

So anyway, after New Orleans my parents picked me up to take me to Florida. My mom, a blunt, no nonsense kind of woman, greeted me with, "Man, you really have gained weight and you look want a beignet?"

I told her she was correct on all of the above and if we could please save the insults for tomorrow. I was only working with four hours of sleep and couldn’t handle it. And then I grabbed the beignets and stuffed my pie hole.

I spent the next three days at my parent’s house. My mom cooked all of my favorite meals and had plenty of treats to snack on. I went out with old friends and caught up over, yes, more drinks.

So now I’m back at home, exhausted, and fatter. I never even touched my workout clothes. (Well, I did shuffle them around in my suitcase some.) But I’m serious about getting it together now.

There is nothing like a trip to the beach to remind you how out of shape you are. And I wasn't even in a bathing suit, I wore pants. Yes, I wore pants to the beach because I'm fat, and my summer clothes don’t fit.

I still have a couple of months before the weather here will require me shed the layers of clothes that are currently hiding my flaws.

So, guess I better get off my lazy ass and hit the gym. And on Monday I’ll be back to counting points.

Yes, Monday, I realize that that is still a few days away but that’s my official online Weight Watchers start day, I currently have no food at home and need to stock up on healthy items, I have a date over the weekend and I’m not the type of girl who orders salad when I’m offered a free meal, and Two Ton Tilly isn’t starting until Monday and we are supposed to be doing this together, right?

Those are my excuses and I’m stickin' to 'em.

What I'm putting off?

Well. Isn't it obvious?

I am actively putting off the start of my new life.

I like my old life. My chocolate chip cookie, chicken Mcnugget, Dunkin Donuts, caramel frappachino filled old life.

Not really. I know that I really don't like my old life because I HATE how my old life makes me feel. And, I'm disgusted by how my old life makes me look. And, I remember before when I briefly had a new life, I felt great, I looked better, and I barely even missed all of the yummy, sticky, sweet, fattening, unhealthiness that plagues me today.

So, I'm not sure why I'm avoiding it.

I'm not sure why I can't kick myself in the rump, and actually start exercising, and stop stuffing my expanding gut with all the scrumdidiliuptious I can get my chubby little hands on.

I'm not sure why I'm avoiding the happiness that awaits me on the other side of the 15 pounds I have to lose.

I can give you a number of excuses: I'm tired, it's cold, my hubby and kids like to have cookies, it was #3's birthday, and then it was #2's birthday, and before you know it, my birthday will be here, and Tub of Lard made me do it.

But none of these excuses have any true bearing on why I'm a pig. And, none of them can even hold water when I compare them to all of the reasons I should stop avoiding and start living healthy: I will have more energy, my kidneys will thank me in the future (I have kidney disease), I can enjoy the summer with my kids without being embarrassed or hot, maybe I could wear shorts!

So many reasons to stop avoiding and start doing.

They will thank me.

I will thank me.

Gosh, if you have to ever be anywhere around me, you will thank me.

So here's to stopping my avoidance and starting my new life.

Thank you Mama's Losin' It. Your prompt may be the catalyst, the impetus for me to get it in gear. And as the attention craving poodle that you are, you should love that!

Don't forget to visit me @

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

A plan

We must get a plan.

Tub of Lard will be back from her fantastic voyage today, and we have got to get ourselves of plan of action.

We need to nail down exactly how we are gonna enact operation get fit, or whatever we are calling it.

Because without a plan I gain 15 pounds in 4 months.

And, without a plan, I eat cake for lunch and donuts for dinner.

Lack of a plan, allows me to skip my exercise routine and blog instead, and it causes me to go out for a run, but then walk the entire way, which I shortened since I had no plan.

Since we restarted this weight loss initiative, I've not lost one ounce of weight.

I am holding strong at too fat for summer clothes.

Luckily, I'm at a good weight for staying warm in cold weather since it's still FREEZING here.

But, it's bound to warm up.

Any day now, it's gonna be too hot for hoodies and sweat pants, and then I'm gonna have a problem.

So, Tub of Lard, I'm putting my foot down. We need a plan!

Saturday, March 21, 2009


but, I've decided to temporarily postpone starting my diet.

I know, I know. I've gotten you all on board, spun this tale of sorrow and regret; made promises about how I'm different now, and ready to beat the snot outta the fat chick hiding inside of me with a bag of oreos under her pillow.

I'm doing exactly what I always do, quitting.

But, this time it's not my fault.

Because, it's Tub of Lard's fault.

I know that I should take responsibility for the fact that I've eaten an absurd amount of cupcakes, ice cream, and bacon recently.

I know I should take responsibility for not going out to run one single time this week. Wait, I did go on Sunday, that's still part of this week, right?

And, I know I should take responsibility for being a total fat slob.

I do. It's my fault, mostly.

But not entirely.

Because Tub of Lard and I are supposed to be doing this together, but she had to go on travel for her stupid 'ole job and then she's goin' home for a family visit and there is no way she is dieting right now.

As a matter of fact I'm pretty sure she's already had burgers, fries, and beer.

Which is fine. Totally fine.

But it wouldn't be fair if I started without her.

Even though this is not a competition (it so is not).

I still think it's only right that since we decided to do this together that we actually DO THIS TOGETHER.

So, I see no reason to hide the fact that as I type this I am eating ice cream from the container.

I know some of you are gonna stop reading our blog now because we're not serious or inspirational enough.

And, that's okay.

But just do us one favor: Check back in two months (ok make it three) and see if we've turned things around.

If we haven't you can tell all of your friends about these two fat, loser blogger girls.

But if we have, then we'll kindly accept your apology for loss of faith so early in the game.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Hey there cupcake

So today has been a pretty bad day with regard to my Fat Ass Reduction Plan.

As always, my intentions were good. I planned to eat healthy and stay on track.

But, you can blame it on those chocolaty, sprinkled cupcakes with their vanilla icing goodness. They were over there all dressed up, begging for the chance to show me their stuff. Didn't want to let them down, so, you know I ate a couple.

But that's not all I did. I had McDonald's too!

I didn't mean to, it just sorta happened.

We had packed a delicious little picnic lunch to share with our friends at the park. It was supposed to be a sunny 70 degree day so we wanted to take advantage of it after being cooped up for so long.

But it wasn't sunny, it was foggy. And not like a little foggy, but like San Fran in the winter. And, it wasn't warm either. I'd be surprised if it made it up to 50 this morning. Nowhere near the 70 we were looking forward to.

So, basically the kiddies chickened out at the park after about 30 minutes and the yummy, healthy, low fat lunch I packed was abandoned for the greasy, fattening, comfort of chicken nuggets and fries.

I know I could've gotten a salad or eaten my home made lunch even though they were having McDonald's. But seriously, if that were my MO then I probably wouldn't be a contributing writer on a blog entitled Too Fatties.

Needless to say I got chicken and fries and a sweet tea to wash it all down with, which I thoroughly enjoyed until about 8 minutes ago when I sat down to write this blog.

Now I want to go into the bathroom and jam the straw from my tea down my throat until I puke up the deep fried goodness I shoved down there earlier.

But, I hate barfing, and then I'd be hungry in a few minutes again anyway, and I'm guessing I've already absorbed most of the badness already, so forget it.

Instead, I'll go for a run when Hubby gets home from work. Yep. That's what I'll do. I'll jog it off.

So, do you think it'd be okay if I had another cupcake?

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Introducing: Two Ton Tilly

My Stats:
Age: 30
Weight: 165
Height: 5'3
Size: 8/10 (kinda depends on the store)
Desired Weight: 150 (140 if you're nasty)

Right now I'm eating a cupcake. A yummy chocolate cupcake with a huge dollop of vanilla icing on top.

Later, I will want to puke.

I have the self control of an 8 week old puppy.

I don't know why I can't get myself in gear. I always start out with good intentions and a rock solid plan.

But then, something goes wrong. Today what went wrong was that I planned to workout, but then my son broke his toe. And, I planned to make good food choices, but then remembered that we'd be having cupcakes to celebrate my other son's 4th bday (and I have to test them, right?).

So now, here I sit, having my Weight Watchers Smart One meal with a cupcake chaser. Go me!

This is just another lap in the vicious weight cycle I've been on since I got pregnant with my first son. I joined Club Fat Ass at that point and have been a faithful and active member since then.

I recently lost 35lbs.

I recently gained 15.

I don't want to gain more.

This summer I want to go to the pool and swim without my t-shirt on. I want to go to my son's baseball practice and not be the hot, sweaty, fat chick hiding under the tree to prevent looking like a roasting pig. As a matter of fact, I don't want to be the fat chick at all anymore. I hate that I look the best in my maternity clothes (not pregnant, I swear, I'm not). I hate that I have a name for my back. I call it the snack pack, b/c it looks like I have a pack of snacks back there for long trips to the zoo.

And, I hate chonch. Now the definition in the Urban Dictionary is a little off for my tastes. Because, in my world when you are so fat that your pants are being slowly consumed by your crotch, you, my friend have what I call chonch.

I have frequently been the victim of chonch and I refused to go back to those days.

So, BFF and I are gonna get back on the wagon and stop this food insanity that is plaguing our lives. We figured that the best way to keep ourselves honest is to share it with the world wide web.

And, we are starting on like Monday so that cupcake so does not count:)

Introducing: Tub of Lard

Tub of Lard

Current stats:

30 years old


175 pounds

5’5 and a quarter and shrinking (a story for another day)

I am officially a big, fat, tub of lard.

This battle of the bulge started getting out of control during college when I acquired the taste for beer. Looking back beer probably wasn’t the only thing I consumed on a regular basis that played a part in my expanding waistline. Late night visits, or should I say early morning visits, to the Waffle House (bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches with extra mayo, hash browns scattered covered smothered, yum!) probably had a lot to do with it too.

Over the years my weight has fluctuated, yo-yoing from 139 to my heaviest of 185. I’ve lost 40 here, gained 20 there, lost 10 more only to gain 25 back. Did the Atkins diet, worked out with The Firm chicks, took weight loss pills (bad, I know), joined weight watchers….stuffed my pie whole.

My weights have dust on them an inch thick and I can’t even tell you where my sports bra is…one that fits anyway. I can locate plenty that are so tight they add an extra roll of fat to the existing pack of hotdogs I already have on my back.

Not pretty.

Something must be done.

So, today I find myself 30 years old, single, in this stupid freakin’ dating world looking for a husband. And, before you go there, no, I’m not trying to lose weight to snag a man. I must say that the men I meet really don’t judge my body as hard as I do. But I also never want to be that girl with “such a pretty face” either.

I want to lose weight and get fit for my health—mental and physical. I know the numerous weight fluctuations and being overweight are unhealthy for my body. Mentally, I spend way too much time obsessing over my fat ass. I won’t wear anything that shows my thighs. I HATE MY THIGHS! Shorts and skirts are required to at least hit the knee. Bathing suits=no. And you know what, I just want to buy cute clothes. There I said it. It’s all about the clothes.

So with summer right around the corner the BFF and I are trying again. I hope doing it together and putting it out there for the world to see will get our asses’ in gear because there are few things more embarrassing than blogging about losing weight and then having to report to the world that you suck and you’ve actually gained.

And for the record, I don’t want to suck.

I talk a lot shit about people who suck and don’t want to be put in the sucky category.

So, anyway, stay tuned. I’ll keep you posted.

Monday, March 16, 2009

That's right, we're fat

And we know it.

But, we are NOT proud of it.

We are actively (okay we could be more active) working to fit back into our skinny jeans.

And not the size 14 "skinny jeans" which, in my opinion, is quite an oxymoron.

We want to fit into our size 6 (ok, size 8) skinny jeans. That would be nice.

And, since we have failed miserably at doing it alone, we are trying to do it together.

So we hope you enjoy laughing with us (not at us) and crying with us when we lose and when we gain.

Maybe we can eventually go back to this.

It's not us, but you know what I mean:)